The Magic Approach

Here is another Derek Vitalio article. As you know I post alot of Derek’s articles because
for free seduction advice he always has something useful to say. I’ve bought several of
his books and have enjoyed them as well.

It’s not about words, it’s not about looks, it’s not even about the first impression. The approach is all about the attitude. Most guys go in with the wrong one – and the fact that "openers” usually put you in the wrong frame doesn’t help. However, once you get over the initial stumbling block of fear, you’ll realize openers are easier than you’d ever imagined.

An Insightful Moment

I was having a conversation with a buddy of mine, one who lived in Japan a number of years.

He’d just broken up with his fiancé and we were talking about getting back in the game, back on the horse, drowning his sorrow in sex.

So naturally we were talking about openers, and I was curious – what did he think the best opener was for Japanese girls.

His answer was extremely revealing – "hi” seemed to work about as well as anything could.
The Japanese Example

Now my buddy was making a joke about how easy it is to get Japanese girls as a Westerner in the country, but I KNOW that’s not necessarily true – plenty of other friends had all sorts of problems getting ANYWHERE with women over there. And these weren’t ugly guys – some of them were quite handsome, and a number of them were even fluent in the language. In fact, a bunch of them didn’t get NEAR the same amount of women they got at home.

So it’s not like every woman has a big "Take Me Western Man” sign over her head.

HOWEVER, a lot of guys have heard this stereotype and buy it. They go to Japan thinking that every woman IS crazy for Americans, and will jump at the chance to be with one.

And you know what? For those guys, that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They DO end up with a large bevy of Asian beauties hanging off their arms.

It’s not because they’re foreign. It’s because they BELIEVE being foreign makes a difference.

They approach women with the perfect attitude – one which assumes the woman wants you, but isn’t very bothered because there are plenty of other women too.

They don’t go out of their way to be clever or open with a bang or anything like that – they don’t believe they need it.

Instead, they just talk to women they find attractive, and see if they can have fun with those women.


Problems with lines, expectations, and nerves

So many guys try to think of the perfect opener, spend hours working on a few, and then they never seem to work the way they’re supposed to.

That’s because it’s an OPENER – and women can sniff it a mile away.

And it doesn’t smell good.

Plenty of other guys get nervous before approaching – whether it’s been a long time, or they’ve had some bad experiences recently, or they are just plain inexperienced.

They are thinking "Don’t be weird, don’t be weird, don’t be weird” over and over.

Guess what that does? Makes ‘em weird.

E-lim-inate the Negative

Those negative mantras that fill your head always have you RUNNING from certain ways of being, instead of naturally BEING a way – any way, really, is better than AVOIDING a way.

So stop worrying about what you’re going to say – and just SAY something.

Stop wondering if your breath stinks, and LOOK HER IN THE EYES when you talk (you should take care of your breath earlier anyway – and halitosis is easier to overcome than conveying weakness or insecurity).

Don’t be scared of offending her – and instead HAVE FUN. Be playful, be naughty, say what entertains you – chances are she’ll be entertained too. And if she’s not, chances are still good she’ll notice your balls, saying what most people are scared to. And if she actually IS offended, unless you’ve been reciting the KKK Doctrine, you know she’s a humorless person who you wouldn’t want to be with anyway.

There’re better girls right around the corner. Or maybe in the very same group.

Ak-sen-chuate the positive

Roosevelt would say it like this: "There’s nothing to fear but fear itself.” The only thing that can make things go bad is if you’re SCARED they’ll go bad.

You’ll sabotage yourself. Just about every time.

The entire key to approaches – everything, all of it – is to come with RELAXED CONFIDENCE. Have the guts to have fun. Don’t be scared of losing a girl who you never had to begin with.

Just ENJOY yourself. Humans are very reactive creatures, so if you’re enjoying YOURSELF, people around you will feel that and start to enjoy THEMSELVES as well.

From the inside out

Now if you’re all scared and jumpy and nervous, you’ll cause the same reaction in the people around you and they’ll try to get the hell away as fast as they can.

Just RELAX. And say hi. And enjoy the ride – because if you’ve got the confidence to say what you think, the playfulness to enjoy yourself, and the relaxed attitude to erase tension, you’re going to have a VERY fun ride.

If you’re reading this right now and you are wondering how you
can take your approaching skills with women to the next level RIGHT NOW, then I’d recommend that you start out with Opening Magic. In just a few days of reading, you can learn to apply the basics that have taken me literally YEARS to figure out and put together in one place.

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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.