Halloween Pick-up Tips!
Below is a great seasonal installment of Mystery’s newsletter. All about Bobby Rio’s all time favorite holiday- Halloween.
Hallowe’en Tips by The Mystery Method
* Kino escalation
* "Day Game”
* Meet the Instructors: Tenmagnet
* New bootcamp cities! Dublin, Ireland. Austin, Texas. New York (those always fill quickly). Chicago. Boston. Seattle.
Hallowe’en is for children dressed up as ghosts, right?
Well, yes, it is. Partly.
It’s also for people to meet each other in a way that’s different from any other night of the year. New Year’s Eve is the only other night that comes close.
More and more, at least in North America, women have been using Hallowe’en less as a reason to wear a costume, and more as a way to dress sexier than they normally would, without social repercussions.
Remember, women are judged negatively by other women when they appear "easy”. However, when the other women in the group are doing something, then it becomes socially okay. That’s why, for example, a woman may be reluctant to kiss you early in your interactions with her if her friend is standing nearby. Unless her friend is also kissing someone she hasn’t known for very long.
This isn’t odd – it’s completely normal and consistent with female psychology in the modern world. We go into this in a lot more detail in the first chapter of the Venusian Arts Handbook. An understanding of what really drives male and female sexual behavior is crucial to be able to grow with the Mystery Method. If you haven’t internalized how survival and replication value work in modern society, then for the most part you will be a laborer, not a craftsman. As a laborer, you can make progress as you learn new things, new theories, routines, etc., but as a craftsman you can understand how it all works and make it your own.
So, on Hallowe’en, you find increasingly fewer women dressed as witches with full-length unrevealing robes and more women dressed as a "sexy” anything: nurse, bunny rabbit, construction worker, anything really…
So what, you might ask? You can go to nightclubs all the time and find women in revealing outfits. Well, there’s a difference here:
* Women take it to a new level. You’ll find women who don’t tend to dress this way in such costumes
* Everyone else is doing it too.
The clothes you wear impact your behavior. The reason, for example, why the military insists on well-pressed, clean, and somewhat formal uniforms. Attention to detail in one’s clothes (and of the clothes of people around you) suggest that attention to detail in what you are doing in the clothes is important. Have you ever put on a well-tailored suit and suddenly felt more powerful and important? That’s the psychological principle here. On Hallowe’en, women will feel and act sexier.
OK, Francis, that’s enough background theory. Tell me how to use Hallowe’en to meet women!
Fair enough. Here are some tips:
* Choose your outfit. Don’t bother with realism, definitely don’t bother with scary. The guy in the Frankenstein mask is probably not meeting women. After all, he’s Frankenstein. You have one two choices here:
o Pick a stereotype. Dress like someone who has women in his life. For example, a rockstar or a specific celebrity, Brad Pitt. Do this in a way that allows for some fun role-play. Being a pimp may not be the greatest strategy to meet desirable women the other 364 days of the year, but on Hallowe’en, it can be magic.
o Sexy peacocking. You can ignore fashion and just be sexy. If you have a nice body, wear a shirt that’s tighter than you normally would. Or dress 70’s style. Dress like a rockstar without saying that your costume is a rockstar. It’s OK these days for your costume not to "be” anything. If you have Magic Bullets, check out p. 47 for the guide to peacocking.
* Situational is OK. Normally, we teach men not to use "situational openers”. Situational openers are when you talk about something specific the current environment which you and a woman are experiencing. For example, "the music’s really loud in here, isn’t it?” or "that’s a nice purse, where did you get it?” are situational. They’re not inherently bad, but every woman has heard them thousands of times before. (Sinn and Savoy cover all of the types of openers and how to use them in different kinds of groups in CD#1 of the Advanced Interview Series). However, situational comments about peoples’ costumes are not as stale, because Hallowe’en only comes around once a year. Extra tip: if you’re going to open with a comment or question about costumes, make it about someone else’s – not yours (seems too try hard) and not hers (demonstrates interest too early). However, the regular openers you use should also work.
* Have a plan. You can go to a bar or a club, but house parties are better. Know about a couple of them in advance. Some won’t have women in whom you are interested. Don’t listen to what anyone else says – make sure you have backups. And make sure you are able to get from one to another (if you have a car, don’t be drinking, prepare your friends for the idea that you’re out to meet people). No one is more than a degree or two of separation from anyone else, so people are generally friendlier and more comfortable with each other.
* Prepare to move. Don’t let the dying-down of the party surprise you. Have a plan on where you and the women you have been talking to can go (a late night diner, an after-party at your place, etc.) Jumping locations is a crucial skill to master. It can be done effortlessly, and give you wonderful results. It can be done awkwardly, where a woman will come but she will feel uncomfortable. Or it can fail, in which case you may have lost a lot of ground. The definitive word on jumping locations is given in the fourth DVD of Mystery’s Video Archive.
* Play off the sexiness vibe, but don’t make assumptions. As I was starting to get to above, when women dress sexy, they will feel sexy. In an environment where many other people appear to be dressing and feeling sexy, women will act more sexual. However, in a woman’s mind, this is still teasing. Don’t make assumptions about her from the way she dresses (this applies outside of Hallowe’en too). So the sexual vibe and role play can help you in opening and in attraction, but don’t count on it after then.
2. Kino Escalation
We should probably do an OAP about this like we did with Attraction last week, because pretty much everyone who comes to our bootcamps does it wrong. What is kino? We use this word to describe touching. This reflects the very simple principle that if a woman isn’t comfortable holding hands with you, she won’t be comfortable kissing you. If she’s not comfortable kissing you, she won’t be comfortable with sexual touching. And so on. So you need to progressive escalate the intensity of the touching.
This is a crucial mistake that most men make. They concentrate so much on the theory of what they are doing and what they are going to say next that they don’t worry about what to do next.
I compare this to a double funnel. On one hand, you are trying to progress through the Mystery Method model (you must know what this is by now), from A1, A2, A3, C1, C2, C3, etc… but on the other hand, you must be progressing through different stages of kino. From light glancing touches, step-by-step, through to sexual touching.
Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as that. When in the Mystery Method model, you are trying to complete each phase and move forward onto the next one, with kino escalation you are often going one step forward and two steps back. Yes, one step forward, two steps back. It’s important for her to re-initiate kino when you withdraw it.
I hope I have more time to discuss kino in a future OAP. The best way to study kino is to watch Mystery describe it in Volume 3 of the Mystery Method DVD Set. He gives a powerful introduction to kino (track 3) talks for a couple of minutes about comfort building kino (track 2…which is available here for free), spends over 11 minutes talking about the kino steps (track 5), and also goes into detail in four different tracks that cover the Knee compliance test, Kino testing in general (how do you know how much she likes you without asking?) and Hands off and Arm in arm. This is my favorite DVD because it also has Mystery actually demonstrating the powerful You Are a Song routine (it’s seven and a half minutes long and beautiful) and another 5 minutes on how to begin makeouts (deep kissing), as well as cool bits on peacock theory, identity, and accomplishment intros (important for "winging” with a friend).
3. Day Game
A bunch of you seemed to have missed the September OAP with insights on Day Game. I’ve added a few things, taken some out, and I’m really proud of this writeup now of a a crucially important subject.
Sinn is a Mystery Method Master Instructor and a recognized expert in what we call "Day Game”. [He’s also fantastic with the traditional Mystery Method material and structure, as you can see from his archive on the Forum] Sinn has been teaching Day Game in private 1 on 1 lessons and recently announced that he will be offering the first ever Day Game seminar.
Here’s what I learned from him.
Many women of exceptional beauty and quality don’t go out at night. An attractive female lawyer, for example, is probably not partying it up at Bob’s Bar & Grill at 2am on a Tuesday night. You might have seen her at the magazine rack of your local bookstore, but if you weren’t confident in your Day Game skills, you’d have lost her forever…to someone who does know how to use Day Game.
Similarly, a lot of MEN can’t realistically be out every night, because of work, family, or just personal preference. But if you want to meet women during the day, you have to know how. Anyway, it’s not an either/or thing. Most men should have both skillsets. You should be able to meet the women you desire wherever they happen to be.
Big difference: it’s usually quieter in Day Game venues. (A "venue” here can be something as simple as a park, or a bus stop). And there’s no obligation to be, or appear to be, social. Thus, one Day Game opener involves staging a loud, interesting, cell phone conversation within her earshot – and then accusing her of eavesdropping. In a way, this merges A1 (Opening) with the beginning of A2 (Attraction), since the overheard conversation can and should reflect positively on you. Don’t go overboard on this, though – pretending to talk to your banker about the 40 million dollars of stock you want to sell won’t be believable…
In the daytime, women are more often by themselves than at night. This means that you don’t necessarily have to employ Group Theory (neg the target, win over her friends, pretend not to be interested in her first, etc., etc.). This gets a bit complicated and I can’t fully explain it here. Suffice it to say that, if you are approaching a single woman alone during the day time, expressing that you are interested in her can come a lot sooner and a lot more directly than it would if she were surrounded by friends, and at night.
Expert level Day Game presents new challenges. What if you want to meet someone who is walking down the street. No chance, you say? Watch Sinn. You might only have 30 seconds to make an impression and get a phone number. You can’t waste any of them.
Some other quick hits: Instant dates are also a lot more important during the daytime – there are a lot more possibilities at 2pm than at 2am. There are also a lot more Day Game opportunities than you think. At the bookstore…at school…at the gym…on the street…an of course, in an elevator. Kino (touching) happens a lot later. And so on…we can’t begin to cover it all. But this should give you guys an overview and help you get started.
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.