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What To Talk About With Women

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Things to Say to a Girl

approach1I guess a huge fear that contributes to so many of us experiencing approach anxiety is the fear of having nothing to say once the opener ran its course. If you watched last weeks VH1 show “The Pick-Up Artist” you saw Mystery criticize Pradeep for continuing a thread that had run its course. None of want to be boring the shit out of a women. Because if she’s bored…chances are you’re bored too. I know that I don’t go out to bars and clubs to be bored.

I go out to bars and clubs to interact with other human being. I enjoy talking to guys as much as girl when I go out. (On a side note I feel that in America, North Jersey particularly, it is not considered normal to just start a conversation with strangers) Hell, I like talking to people. So I do. I like to talk about things that interest me. So I find people that have similar interests.

When you’re out and you looking to pick up a girl you need to have things to talk about that will interest both yourself and her. Having things to talk about in advance will limit some of that approach anxiety.

Sebastian of Master the Vibe gives us a great article on generating conversation material. This is the kind of article I highly suggest reading for those of you afraid of running out of things to talk about. I also highly recommend the Master the Vibe Program.

To learn how to make small talk with women…grab the free “Small Talk” Tactics Report. It gives you all the information you need to make small talk sexy.

What to talk about with women

by Sebastian Drake

There are many nuances of conversation, but one of the most important ones is being able to take material you’re given and flush it out into full conversations. With the ability to “threadcut” you can flush out good conversations, navigate away from bad conversations, and talk about what you want to talk about, when you want to talk about it. It is, quite simply, mastery over conversation.

It Starts at Situational Relevance

Master conversationalists innately understand the concept of “Situational Relevance” – that’s being relevant to the situation at hand. The easiest way to understand Situational Relevance is through what happens when a guy isn’t SitRel when talking to a woman. She’ll say something like:

“What?”
“Huh?”
“That was random…”
“Why are you asking me that?”

Situational Relevance is not an objectively judged characteristic. If something feels SitRel, it is SitRel. This is all about perception.

This can be used to your advantage.

How to Generate Infinite Conversation Material:

The easiest way to create the appearance of Situational Relevance is to take one word or phrase out of a sentence, and use that word or phrase in another, unrelated sentence. This in fact creates the appearance of Situational Relevance. The classical example is:

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

Isolate every meaningful word in the sentence. They are:

Cold
Snowy
Warm
Clothes
Went out
Built
Snowman
Inside
Hot chocolate

seconddate230Any sentence using one of those words or phrases – with the meaning of the word unchanged – will sound relevant to the situation.

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

“Yeah? I don’t really like the cold… I love the seasons in New England, but I’m just about ready to move to Los Angeles so it’s never cold.”

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

“Oh really? I gott caught in the record blizzard last year… it was funny, it was on a Wednesday I think, but I actually had the day off. So when I went outside, there were these huge piles of snow on either side of the road, but the roads and sidewalks were clear.”

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

“Wow, I like getting and staying warm. I remember when I was a kid, I had the biggest, heaviest blanket – ever. It was a gigantic heavy blue blanket with a picture of a mean looking grizzly bear on it. Loved that thing…”

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

“That’s cool… yeah, I actually messed up. I was cleaning out my closet and gave a lot of stuff to the Salvation Army, but I didn’t realize just how much of my winter stuff I gave away. When it started getting cold, I actually had to use like Fall clothing and layer it a lot.”

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

“Yeah, I really like nature, going out, having fun with friends…”

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

“It’s always cool to see little things you build come to life… from a snowman to an igloo to a treehouse, there’s just something to it.”

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

“Really? Wow that’s cool. When I was a little kid, we actually had a big hill right beside our house, so we’d roll snowballs down it, then push them back up, and roll them back down until we created absolutely massive snowmen.”

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

“That’s nice to be able to come inside and get warmed up… I actually just moved to a new apartment with a fireplace, and it’s, like, the greatest thing ever. I love coming home in the wintertime.”

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

“Mmmm… you know where has the best chocolate in the world? Amsterdam. I don’t know what the Dutch do – I don’t think they put drugs in it… but the hot chocolate is so good there.”

How It Works

Threadcutting: You pull one word or phrase out of the conversation, then use the word or phrase to form your next sentence or set of sentences. If it’s really out there, you use a few transition words like, “That reminds me…”, “Oh really?”, or “Yeah, I…” – this shows that you’re acknowledging what they’re saying, and then moving on to do more.

Using Overarching Themes to Generate Even More Conversation

In addition to the words and phrases used in conversation, you can also employ “overarching themes” – these are elements that aren’t directly said, but are implied by the conversation.

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

Overarching themes:

Climate
Weather
Dress
Outdoors
Playing
Acting like a kid again
Creating things
Coming home
Indulging
Sweets
Hot drinks

laidgirls3Any of those could be used to create a new sentence as well, via the same threadcutting format.

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

“Yeah, the weather here is crazy… I’m never sure what it’s going to be one day to the next, but I love being able to make the best of it and go for a quick hike, or skiing, or building a snowman one random day.”

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

“It’s so much fun to act like a kid… just the other day, I was driving with my friend, and we saw this big, beautiful, green grassy hill, and we totally stopped, pulled over, ran up to the top, and rolled down it. Most fun I’ve had in a real long time.”

“It was cold and snowy outside, so we got on warm clothes, went out, and built a snowman – then came inside and had hot chocolate.”

“I absolutely love a great hot drink. My favorite is chai tea, with just tons and tons of cinnamon in it.”

When and How to Use the Force

Use threadcutting when you’re bored with or don’t enjoy a conversational topic, something is going stale, or isn’t conducive to a great interaction. If the topic becomes too serious, too sad, or too tense for your tastes, take one word or theme from the last sentence she said, and flip it into a new sentence via threadcutting. Don’t worry about conversations logically flowing when you’re first meeting new women: instead, focus on moving through a wide variety of fun topics and connecting on new and interesting things.

With a great grasp of threadcutting, you’ll be able to vibe your way through conversations.

To learn how to make small talk with women…grab the free “Small Talk” Tactics Report. It gives you all the information you need to make small talk sexy.

About Bobby Rio

I’m Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you’ll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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5 Comments

  1. mike

    December 27, 2007 at 2:53 pm

    Not even done with this article, but this is why I love the MtV series. These guys give concrete examples and also break down the framework of convo so you can recognize it and produce original statements of your own.

    Damn…now that I think of it…I haven’t received a CD in a while 🙁

  2. damien

    December 28, 2007 at 9:39 am

    Yes Mike,

    Master the Vibe puts out great articles… im really curious to get their CD… might have to use my christmas money on it 🙂

  3. aLpHa_kaY. A.K.A: Kevin

    February 29, 2008 at 1:48 pm

    Great post, really good, that i had to favourite it.
    I like the fact it has been broken down during the interaction. This used to be my sticking point, but now i have alot more INTERESTING things to talk about, which i could expand.

    Pzz

  4. FredEx

    February 29, 2008 at 11:34 pm

    its funny, cuz when your in a conversation with a girl,. you can pretty much talk about anything because you have so many different options once you get her talking.
    only problem is, when drunk, you dont have to worry about if shes contributing enough, its whether your contributing too much..

  5. Frank

    December 28, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    If she wants to talk, let her talk. Agree with her when she hits an important point. “Right, that’s the whole deal…,” you say as she relates her view of something. Give further details to enhance her data in order to keep things moving.

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Never Run Out of Things to Say to Women Again

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  • The Secret to Making “Small Talk” Sexier
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