Making Your Approach Go Smoothly
We all know how uncomfortable a botched approach can be. Hell, its what most people fear. The key to a good approach is making it seem natural and un-intrusive. If you have been watching Mystery’s The Pick-up Artist you’ve seen examples of good approaches and you’ve seen examples of bad approaches. (more bad approaches)
Stephen Nash, author of How to get a Girlfriend, gives us a nice little list of the three elements to making your approach seem as natural as can be.
Secrets to a Smooth Approach by Stephen Nash
1) Casual: Looks much easier written down than when staring at the next Mrs. YOU. But, if you come on too strong to her at first, she’s going to get frightened and defend herself. To start the conversation, be as casual as possible by asking her a simple question about your environment. Also, keep your body language as neutral as possible by not turning and facing her or leaning in to her. She is much more likely to receive your approach if you can prevent the words “something is up here, I can just feel it!!” from crossing her mind. Feel free to also look away as you chat with her. Again, you are reinforcing the casual-ness of the interaction.
2) Playful: Lots of guys become Mr. Cocky when they approach women, which is a defense mechanism. Drop the cockiness, and show her your confident side by being playful. This is also called – FLIRTING – and is a MUST skill for guys who want to enhance their dating lives. You want to simply joke around, but stay away from teasing her – you don’t know her well enough for that yet. Instead, point out the humor in your surroundings, or, even better, about yourself. The more self-effacing here the better. Let her know you don’t take yourself too seriously. If you can master this, women will trust you. If women trust you, they will want to be around you. See where this leads?
3) Personal: Last, but not least, at some point you have to let her know a little bit about you. Instead of relying on the standard diet of questions (“where are you from?”, “what is your sign?”), answer these questions for her in the form of statements. Just drop them into your conversation: “Your sweater reminds me of my sister, though we are from the south, it gets cold around November. She used to wear something similar at Thanksgiving.” In that statement alone, I reveal three facts about my life: I am from the south, I have a sister, and we gather at Thanksgiving. Suddenly, you are no longer a guy she just met at the cafe, but someone she is “getting to know”. There is a HUGE difference.
To learn more from the insightful Stephen Nash download his book How to get a girlfriend now.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.