Approaching and Opening Made Simple (Day 7)
Today is the 7th day in our series 31 Days to Better Game. In yesterdays lesson we covered flirting. Now that you have a handle on flirting its time to start approaching women. So todays lesson is about approaching and opening women.
Simple steps for Successfully Approaching and Opening Women by Bobby Rio
An opener is just the first thing you say to start an interaction. Yes, ideally it will make her laugh, make you look cool, and create conversation that just flows from it.
But the fact is; there is no perfect opener. But there are perfect ways to approach and deliver your opening line.
The best approaches are spontaneous. BAM! You see a woman you want to talk to an immediately initiate a conversation. The reason these approaches are the best is because very little thought is going into the interaction. The less thought out and planned an interaction is the more natural and relaxed you will appear.
Once you start scanning your mind for things to say its over. You’re mentally in the wrong state.
This is why in the beginning a lot of coaches recommend using canned openers. Personally, I recommend having a couple canned openers ready for different situations… but I would keep them simple (hey, are you guys friendly?..) and stay away from the classic Mystery or Strauss “who lies more” or “what 80’s pop duo should i name my dog after?” I’ve found that guys who are using these elaborate canned openers are getting stuck in routine mode and not going on to develop natural conversation skills. But thats just my opinion.
When it comes to opening girls I’ve found that several things will make all the difference.
1. Proximity. The easiest girls to talk to are the ones your standing closest to. Most of the time these girls will be expecting you to open them. As you walk into a venue scan the room for the best possible spot. You don’t want to be the guy doing laps all night with the hungry look on his face.
2. Spontaneous. The best approaches feel spontaneous. That is the beauty of the three second rule. If you’ve entered a bar, and you’re in the proximity to a couple girls you want to talk to- open them immediately. The longer you wait the more awkward its going to be. Even if you just say “you girls look like you’re ready for a fun night” give them a cheers with your glass and then go back to talking to your friend. Now they’re opened. Open as many people around you as quickly as you can. This will put you in the right frame of mind. (and build social value)
3. Body Language- The reason spontaneous approaches work the best is because your body language doesn’t have time to get all weird and up tight. Because the approach was spontaneous you will be sending off really natural body language. You want to make sure your body language conveys the image that this interaction carries no excess value to you. You also want to present the image that you could turn and walk away at any time.
4. Stay Fun- Once you’ve approached and opened girls keep a really fun vibe. I see too many guys open a girl with a funny line… then immediately go into “interview mode.” Once you’re in interview mode she knows you’re hitting on her, and is probably bored. You’re better off staying playful for awhile.
5. Know when to eject and when not to- If you open a girl and the whole time you’re talking to her she’s fumbling with her cell phone and avoiding eye contact… don’t waste your time. On the other hand, if you get a tad resistance don’t prematurely eject. You have to differentiate between a girl who visibly giving you signals of disinterest… and the girls that just take a little more work. Remember not all girls are super outgoing… some girls need a little prying before they open up.
I hope that these tips help next time you’re out. There are entire books on approaching but sometimes its the simplest advice that is most practical an easy to implement.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.