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Managing a Relationship (day 28)

We are at the 28th day of our 31 Days to Better Game series.? The last two lessons focused on turning a female friend into your girlfriend.? While this may ultimately be what you want, if you’ve never been in a serious relationship before I think its crucial that you follow some guidelines heading in.

I asked one of our loyal readers Chase, who has dished out some great advice on the shoutbox to write a lesson on managing a relationship.? Even if you’re not dating someone right now… this is stuff you need to know in advance.? Once the relationship begins, as Chase says, you only have a small amount of time to mold it to your liking.

day 28

Managing a Relationship by M. Chase

Hey guys.? Chase here, for those who don’t know me.? I’m guessing since I’m getting married in September (let’s see how that goes) is why I was asked to write about managing a relationship for the 31 days series.? Apologies in advance for the long post, but the stuff below is golden.? If you are interested in a relationship, be it monogamous, MLTR, or just a fuck buddy hopefully you can pick something up from this. I am not a guru, these are just guidelines I’ve been taught and implemented that have worked wonders.  I’m not re-inventing the wheel here, these are not my ideas.? To give credit so I don’t step on any toes or get a lawsuit thrown at me, most of these are Seb Drake’s concepts.

Here we go…

Let’s be blunt here…when women get complacent in a relationship they tend to treat their guy like shit. If you think I’m joking head to the mall on a Saturday afternoon, buy a drink, then sit down and watch couples interact.? It’s a mind-blowing experience to watch how some guys get treated in public…and they put up with it.? Here’s a true story.? One of my good friends got married a while back? Honeymoon was great, everything was normal.? Then she quit her job and took over the finances.? He was GIVEN a $20 allowance per week with the money he earned.? The marriage lasted six months until he finally flipped.  Guys, while sad this can be prevented.

The Vase Concept

This is the best analogy I’ve heard…relationships are like a vase…clay and water getting molded together on a wheel.? You only have a set amount of time, maybe two months to make things how you want them to be.? Once the vase gets thrown into the oven and hardened, there it is and good luck changing it.? We’re all creatures of habit? If you decide one day you’re going to break the mold with a girl you’ve been seeing the vase cracks…yeah, good luck with that.? It’s not that it can’t be fixed, it just takes a hell of a lot of time to do it (and this goes double for friends or ex-girlfriends who already know you? Should put a little perspective on the divorce rate in this country.

Precedence is absolutely key.? We all get caught up in the moment when we’re with a new girl we like.? Something in our heads wants to make her happy and seek approval.? If she asks you to do something, and this can be anything you seriously don’t want to do (going to plays, singing karaoke, fancy dinners, doing the laundry…whatever).? DO NOT do it from day one.? Never.? If this will piss you off a couple of months from now don’t start the cycle.? The moment you get fed up the precedent has been broken and the vase cracks.? Again, good luck with that.

Don’t get the wrong impression that you should never compromise.? You simply have to? The real question is what you’re willing to compromise on. Ashlyn just moved into my place and did some redecorating. Can’t say I’m exactly thrilled with the changes (I’m now a plant owner) but it’s something I can live with, even if I have to water the damn things.

Set Expectations

Guys, people act like they are expected to.? Frankly, I’m surprised this isn’t addressed more in the community.? Everyone acts differently around different people.? Let me ask a question.? Would you drop a f-bomb in front of your grandmother?? I know I wouldn’t have.? This is just psych 101.? Do you act the same way around your best friend that you would around your boss?

Now what you should ask yourself is why?

The same thing goes for relationships.? You can’t exactly change someone’s personality, but you can nudge them in certain directions.? Getting someone to admit to something you want wins the battle…if they renege on it later you can bust them on it.? People tend to live up to what they’ve admitted to.? This is very powerful in the seduction phase.? For example, if I’m into a woman and looking for a MLTR, I’ll drop something like “look at all the women in this place that need a man to hold their hand…please tell me you’re not like that.”? You can use a variation of this for any trait you’re looking for.

This is also very good for compliance.? If she’s into you she’ll agree with pretty much anything you say unless it’s way out of her personality.? If she disagrees on a trait you’re looking for it’s up to you if you want to pursue it.

Draw the Battle-Lines

Probably the best advice I’ve ever gotten.? Gentleman, draw the battle-lines.? This was so far out of my reality I thought it was a joke…it wasn’t.? When women get pissed they will push you to see what they can get away with.? We all do it.? In the seduction context make a list of what will make you happy in a relationship? A loyal girl, bj every day, sex 4 times a week…etc.? Whatever you really want.? Now push it forward.? If you set your expectations farther than what you really need you’ll always be in the clear when problems come up that have to be worked out.

I’m trying to remember how this went, something along the lines of “can we just have sex tonight instead of you doing me anal on the balcony”…fucking hilarious.

If anything I hope you guys got something out of this.

M. Chase II

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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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