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How to Become a Compelling Character that Commands the Attention of an Entire Social Scene

ss4_whiteI want to tell you an interesting story about how I came to realize that there is an easy way to capture the attention and infatuation of those around you.

It is a natural desire amongst nearly all of us to be the star of our own movie, so to speak.

I know I always held a secret ambition to the leader of my scene, to be the person everybody talks about and wants to be around, and most importantly- every woman’s first choice to hook up with.

I can remember back in high school and my first semester in college when I used to believe that the guy’s who had achieved this “dream” did so because they contained some insider knowledge that I was not privileged to.  I also attribute their success to their natural good looks, outgoing personalities, money, or god given self confidence.

I mean, doesn’t it make sense that the guys who seemed to have it all just had to be born with it?  It’s not like they teach this stuff in school.  And although there are books out there on the subject, I highly doubt any of these guys were reading them.

So my only conclusion was that the reason people tended to gravitate towards this select group of guys was because of what they naturally possessed. (Looks, personality, money, confidence)

But when I really started to pay close attention, I started to notice some major flaws in this reasoning.

  1. Many of the guys that seemed to have an entire social scene in the palm of their hand were NOT necessarily the best looking guys in the scene.  And in fact, I had considered myself better looking than many of these guys.
  2. The guys that everyone always seemed to be talking about were NOT always the most outgoing, charming, or intelligent.  I would often find that their personalities varied greatly and there was no one common element I could pin point.
  3. Although a handful of these guys always tended to have money, I discovered that just as many of them were just as broke as I was.
  4. And while most of them had above normal levels of self confidence- I also knew dozens of other self confident guys who didn’t get half the attention or admiration that these guys received.

A little over 10 years ago back in college, I finally got serious, and I went on a quest to discover what made a “social superstar.”

I bought several books and courses on picking up women.  I learned the lines, the attitude, and recited various affirmations to sky rocket my self confidence.

And here was the interesting thing…

While I immediately saw major improvements in the amount of women I was dating… I would still always lose out to
these “superstars” who just seemed to have a natural ability to attract more attention than I did.

And it just got worse…

Because the more successful I became with women the more apparent it became that I was still a world away from being the “superstar” I craved to be viewed as.

And you would think that I would have become complacent with my success… but I just got greedier.  I wanted it all.

It bothered the hell out of me that I just couldn’t figure out what I was missing.

At the time I had been waiting tables and although I had been doing well with the women there, there were several guys who just seemed to have it all.

And although I was friends with these guys… I fully admit I harbored a little bit of envy and jealousy.

The girls (and guys) just always seemed to gravitate toward them.  Sure, I was scoring chicks, but in the back of mind I always felt that I was the girl’s second choice.

And I suddenly realized why.

I had been listening to a couple girls I worked with talk about one of my friends RJ.

Normally when the conversation turned toward the latest happening and gossip in my friend’s life I would grow discontent and quickly try to change the subject.  I hated feeding the RJ frenzy that had over swept the scene.

But this time I slowly allowed myself to get sucked into the conversation.

And instead of changing the subject or walking away, I let myself indulge in the “idle gossip” of RJ.

A few minutes of discussing RJ, I discovered just how addicting it was.  The guy was like a walking, talking, living, breathing soap opera.

  • There were the two girls fighting over him…
  • The tantrum he threw at management last week over the dress code…
  • The fight he got into with his brother in the parking lot…
  • The camping trip he had been trying to organize for the last couple weeks…
  • His ex girlfriend that still came into the restaurant to stalk him…
  • The constant stories that came from his soft ball league mishaps…
  • The repercussions from the blunt honesty in which he dealt with people…

The guy had more tabloid worthy news than Alex Rodriguez.

For McCain, Self-Confidence on Ethics Poses Its Own RiskAs I realized this it became apparent to me that one of the biggest reasons that he always had people talking about him was because they were interactive viewers in his own personal show.

They were engaged in his endless story lines…

The twists and turns…

The triumphs, the defeats, the setbacks, and his constant tales of loss and redemption…

As I began to put the pieces of the puzzle together I began to realize that the men and women who received the most attention were NOT always the best looking, the richest, most outgoing, or confident…

They were the MOST COMPELLING CHARACTERS.

Yes, as I started to re-evaluate every social scene I had been in from elementary school all the way up to my current workplace environment… I discovered that all of these “social superstars” were also extremely compelling characters.

In order to get people invested in you, talking about you, and wanting to be around you… you need to provide value to them.

And one of the most powerful ways to provide this to them is to be a character that they become obsessed with.

The most compelling characters are those who possess conflicting character traits.  The anti-heroes…  The unpredictable characters that we can never quite figure out…

But more than just being unpredictable, the most compelling characters need to always be proactively going after something.

They need a perpetual QUEST.

This quest becomes their story.  This quest is what draws us into them.  We cannot turn away until we know how the story ends…

  • Which girl does RJ choose?
  • Is the long awaited camping trip a success?
  • Will RJ and his brother make up?
  • Will RJ convince management to change their dress code policy?
  • Does RJ’s soft ball team make it to the finals?  Or does his hangover cost them the game?

Every protagonist needs a quest.

And the quest needs to contain elements of drama that draw people in.

Creating your character

Disney - Bad Yeti!In order to make this work for you need to understand the basic traits of compelling characters.  As mentioned earlier, you’ll need to always be involved in a quest.  The quest can be something simple or complex.  It just needs to have a clearly defined outcome.  Either you win or lose.

Your character must have firmly rooted ideals and beliefs.  Stay out of the “grey zone” and choose sides.  But always be the “reluctant” hero.  Never appear eager to please.  Always get people begging you for your participation.

Character creation is something that I go into great detail in Social Power and Charisma Implant System.  But I want to cover a little bit here to get you started.

If you’re in a social scene in which you’re not commanding the attention that you crave, than your first step is to look around and notice the “characters” that everyone seems to constantly be ogling over.  Make a mental note of the various storylines, quests, drama, and character traits that these men possess.

By doing this you’ll notice what kind of entertainment your scene craves…

You’ll find that different scenes crave different kinds of characters.

I have a simple exercise that you can try right now…

This exercise also coincides with the idea of leadership (another essential character trait.)

What I want you to do is to design a quest that you proactively seek.  And get other people involved in this quest.  TheMeow Wars more people involved with this quest… the more drama it is likely to contain, and the more interesting story it will make.

Learning to create interesting quests is much the same way writers of television shows create their story lines.  They test things out and see what sticks.  Their ideal goal is to get people gossiping around the water cooler.

As a matter of fact, I realized that once you learn what YOUR audience craves, and consistently give it to them, you will hold them in the palm of your hand.

And the girls will naturally come.

The reason you can expect women to flock to you is because women have the same desire we have: to be social superstars.

And the quickest way a woman can garner that appeal and attention is to ride a superstar’s coat tail.  Think about it.  If she’s dating you, then she is the center of the universe within your social scene.

And you’ll find that just about everyone will want you around… because you are where it is.  You are the story they all want to be a part of.

Here are a few ideas to review and practice on a regular basis:

  1. Are you involved in some sort of quest?
  2. Are you acting unpredictable, leaving your audience wanting to know more?
  3. Do you always portray yourself as the reluctant hero?
  4. Do you achieve your desire enough that people actually believe in you?
  5. Do you take on the role of the leader?

You must remember to capture the attention and imagination of those around you.  You must create a compelling character to consistently do that.

I hope your starting to understand better why a little drama does wonders for word of mouth marketing.

Most guys go their entire lives without ever figuring this out.  At some point they’ll eventually give up and decide they were never meant to be superstars.

But I’m here to tell you that it is possible.

And it’s really not that hard to achieve.

How to Be Seen as “High Value” Within Your Scene

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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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