9 Ways to Improve Your Conversations with Women – Part III
Most men are under the false impression that beautiful women don’t want to talk to them. This is not the case. Beautiful women crave fun and flirtatious conversations just as much as we do. The fact is, there are so few men who know how to peak a woman’s interest through talking to her, that she is actually dying to meet a man who can.
The main reason most men don’t communicate well with women is because they let their nervousness and anxiety prevent them from showing a woman their fun side. The second biggest reason a man doesn’t connect with a woman is because he doesn’t talk to her in a way that she responds to.
7. Concentrate on the emotions rather than facts
Women are different than men. As we talked about in part one and part two of this series, women love to talk about the meaning behind actions and the emotions they evoke.
It is also true that the emotions that you arise during a conversation she will subconsciously anchor them to you. This means that if you are talking about relationships and she starts talking about all of the bad feelings she experienced with her previous boyfriend, she will begin to associate you with those feelings.
Try this instead:
If it is true that women will anchor negative feelings to you, than it must be true that women will anchor positive feelings to you. This is why it is important to draw her into a positive emotional state. One way to do this, as discussed in the last article, is to tease her. Another way to do this is to ask questions and make statements that prompt her to talk about specific feelings that she has for something.
If you are talking to a woman and she mentions the fact that she likes to go snowboarding, instead of talking about facts such as what mountain does she usually snowboard at, or what kind equipment does she use (which is common questions you would ask another man) instead get her to talk about the feelings she experiences while snowboarding.
You: Did you do anything fun last weekend?
Her: Yea I went snowboarding. I had the best time.
You: Wow. I love snowboarding. I think I’m literally addicted to the rush I get going down the mountain. What about you? What excites you most about snowboarding?
Her: Well I guess it would be that feeling of adventure… like going so fast, being so scared, but not wanting it to end because it feels like you’re really living.
In this example you’ve taken the topic of snowboard and talked about the meaning behind snowboarding and emotions it evokes. Since these are emotions are positive, you’ve put the woman in a positive mood, and she has subconsciously anchored the feeling of adventure, excitement, and not wanting it to end… to you.
8. Tell more stories (that put you in a positive light)
When a bunch of guys are sitting around with each other it becomes almost a competition as to who can tell the best story. We try to tell stories that make us appear the funniest, coolest, or most dominant guy in the group. Yet for some reason when we get around a woman we totally forget to make use of this skill.
A woman wants to figure things out about you on her own. She doesn’t necessarily trust everything that you’re saying, so she is trying to look for little clues that will help her determine where you fit in the pecking order.
Stories are a natural way to capture someone’s attention. And if told right, they are also a great way to drop subtle clues as to the finer points of your persona.
As you tell a story you need to remember that a woman is listening to your story, but at the same time she is reading behind the lines to make certain judgments about you.
For instance, let’s say you tell a story how Tuesday afternoon you were lying in bed with a hangover and someone kept knocking on your door… until finally you answered it and it was these annoying religious freaks trying to convert you to some weird new religion.
Well, while you may have intended the story to be funny farce about the annoying religious people, she has already begun to pigeonhole you as the kind of guy who gets drunk on Monday nights, doesn’t have a job he has to wake up for, and has no ambition to get out of bed until the afternoon. Unless you both are in college, these are not necessarily traits that will excite her.
Try this instead:
You don’t want to come off a bragging during your stories. This is why any positive details about your life you want to emphasize must be hidden within a larger story. This means, while the story itself does not have to be positive, she must be able to uncover positive traits about you from within the story.
Let’s use the same story above about the religious folks knocking on the door and see how we could tell it in a way that sheds some positive light on you.
You: So Tuesday afternoon I’m sleeping late. This was like the first good comfortable sleep I’ve had in a couple weeks as I’ve been busting my ass trying to elevate my business to the next level. Monday night we scored a kick ass contract and me and my team finally decided it was time to celebrate. So now Tuesday morning I’m lying in bed, with the kind of hangover I haven’t had in years… and I keep hearing a knock on the door. I just don’t want to get out of bed. Later than night I had a few more important meetings, I really wanted to sleep off the hangover so I would be in top shape to deliver the proposal. Well, the knocking stops for like ten minutes… but then starts up again. And now they’re ringing my bell too. Finally I throw on some clothes and head downstairs and answer the door…and its these two little girls. At first I’m thinking they want to sell me girl scout cookies, but then she hands me this flyer that says “let Jesus save you from your treacherous life” and I’m thinking “am I on some sort of list or something…”
In this version of the story I included enough details to let her jump to the conclusion that I am an ambitious and successful businessman. But I never came out and said it. I gave her this information in the context of a story about a couple of religious nuts trying to convert me.
9. Remember the non verbal’s
I recently wrote an article titled How to Draw Women into Your Conversations. In this article I discussed the subtle things you need to be doing to project that you are a fun, confident man that she should feel excited to be talking to.
Most men don’t do this. Instead, most men let their nervousness control their entire body and they wind up coming off fidgety, tense, and even slightly awkward.
This happens because while men are talking to a woman they get stuck in their own head. They begin concentrating extremely hard on how they can impress the woman.
Try this instead:
A tip that I heard from a great pickup artist once that has helped me over the years is to imagine that the woman has already told you that later she is going to get naked and sprawl out over you bed and let you have your way with her.
If you knew this, how would you act?
You would probably be quite laid back, with a knowing sly smile on your face, and you would have no problem getting fun and flirtatious because there wasn’t a risk of rejection.
Well, can you imagine how acting this way can actually get you the result of having a woman sprawled out naked in your bed?
Give it a shot next time you’re out.
>>>>For more on creating fun, playful “small talk” with women, download the free “Small Talk Tactics” report. It explains exactly how to make small talk sexy.<<<<
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.