Value = Attraction = Bullshit. The REAL Secret of Attraction
The big buzzword in the pickup and dating advice industry is VALUE. “Demonstrate higher value” or “Be high value” are some the useless memes shoved down the throat of students at every level. Whether you’re looking to meet the girl of your dreams or become the player you always dreamed of, you’re made to believe it’s all relative to value. The idea is that if you come off as “high value” a woman will have no choice but to feel burning-hot attraction for you.
And we all believed it.
Like so much of the dating advice out there, the idea of value appealed to our “dick-logic.” Yes, “dick-logic”— an apt descriptor for “value” because, at first glance, it implies the idea value appealed to our logic-dominated male brain. However, upon further investigation, you’ll realize the real reason value is dick-logic is because you have to be a dick to believe it. When I objectively looked for real-world experiences to validate the “value = attraction” equation, I found the real equation looks more like this:
Value = Bullshit
Yup, that’s right. Sorry pickup artist drone, but today I am going to dismantle the myth of value. If attraction was really as simple as “value = attraction” then why do guys sometimes get “shot down” by low self-esteem girls? Why do guys who have very high objective value go through slumps? Why are there so many contradictions to the attraction/value corollary?
“But it’s supported by evolution!” I can hear the critics cry. “Women are evolutionary programmed to look for high value mates!” Ah, playing the “science card”—the oldest trick in the “dick-logic” book. Only a dick would make a scientific claim even though the last time he was in a bio lab was sophomore year of high school.
As someone who actually has a science degree and still works in technical science, I can tell you there’s no bigger insult than to have some pickup “guru” spout scientific claims that have absolutely no validity in research, field work, or technical literature. These guys simply read some pop evolutionary psychology book they ordered off Amazon then start making claims as if they’re seasoned Darwinists with license to propose speculative hypothesizes.
Butt-hurt yet? I know, I know, I’m attacking some the community’s most cherished, deeply-seeded beliefs. “But,” I can hear the pickup drone stammer, “If value doesn’t create attraction…then what does?”
Glad you asked! Since it’s not my style to simply tear down theories without providing a new framework, I will replace the other half of the attraction equation—but first, let’s get one thing straight. In spite of my science credentials, my theories have nothing to do with hard science. I have enough respect for the scientific community to refrain from shrouding my theories in thinly-veiled pseudo-science. Instead, my “attraction theory” is simply based on what I’ve observed after hitting on thousands of girls, watching my friends hit on thousands of girls, and hearing stories from my male and female friends about this crazy little thing called attraction.
So without further adieu, here’s my attraction formula:
Attraction = How much emotion a woman feels in your presence
At first glance, it’s not exactly revolutionary (and pretty anti-climatic). But the truth can be like that sometimes. Upon closer investigation, however, this idea is fairly earth-shattering. It busts the following myths of the dating advice industry:
1. If a girl doesn’t like you, it’s your fault for not “demonstrating enough value.” FALSE! If a girl isn’t attracted to you, it may have absolutely nothing to do with you at all; instead it might be because that girl is simply NOT open to letting herself be affected on an emotional level by a guy. She might have just had something traumatic happen. She might be in a relationship and seriously have her guard up. Or, she may just not be a fun person who knows how to cut loose. Regardless, there’s NOTHING you can do to get that girl and it’s better you recognize that and not waste your time.
2. I need to download a bunch of products to understand how to present myself as “offering value.” FALSE! While products and advice can certainly help, ultimately how to affect a woman emotionally is a byproduct of your unique personality and perspective. If you find a product that resonates with you and helps you understand how to express yourself better, awesome! Use it! But there’s no product or service that will ever substitute for how you affect people emotionally. That’s intensely personal and completely idiosyncratic.
3. If a girl doesn’t see me as “high value” then it’s impossible to get her attracted. FALSE! A girl seeing you as high value really doesn’t matter—a girl seeing you as an unpredictable, fun guy DOES matter. A girl doesn’t have to like you—or even respect you—to feel attracted to you. If you can get her emotional, you can get her attracted. Everything else is mental masturbation.
And that’s the point I intend to close with. A point I reiterate time and again is that pickup = fun = emotions = attraction. The opposite of that equation is pickup =scholarship = learning high value behavior = attraction. FALSE!
To understand attraction is to understand how to influence people emotionally, which is, 1.) not walk on eggshells, 2.) have a sense of humor, 3.) have a unique worldview, 4.) be cool, 5.) be expressive and genuine. Remember, attraction = How much emotion a woman feels in your presence. That “equation” is not a narcissistic one-way street—it involves both you and the girl.
This concept of affecting women on an emotional level is the starting point of my recently released book, “The 4 Elements of Game”. Each element focuses on a different emotion, which, when put into harmony, produces searing attraction that is a direct byproduct of your genuine personality.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.