Opening Revisited: How to Approach a Girl Anywhere
The saddest story in the history of men: a single guy notices a girl he’d like to meet; does nothing—the end. In the time it took you to read that one sentence, that story will have played out thousands of times around the world. Most guys don’t even realize there could be an alternative ending as they’ve never once dared to approach an attractive stranger. Instead the vast majority of the male population “plays it safe,” only going for girls they meet through friends, a social circle, or by freak circumstance.
These guys have their oh-so-fragile egos to preserve, and as such only go for the low-hanging fruit—the girls they know they can get. Most men prefer to live in guaranteed mediocrity than ever put themselves at the mercy of success. These men are often the first to jump up on their high-horse to condemn anyone who doesn’t accept the status quo. In a word, these are the haters of the world, the glorifiers of mediocrity, the weak herd animals.
Such is my opener to an article on opening. For too long, men have been fixated on the verbal aspect of opening—beginning an interaction with an attractive stranger with banter. Entire books have been written on the subject, giving men a word-for-word blueprint for “what to say.” The modern myth of the almighty pickup line is evidence that such a belief still exists amongst insecure men. The truth, however, is that opening has little to do with what to say, and everything to do with who you are.
As a man, your entire identity should hinge on not encompassing a single word of the paragraphs above. Who you are is not about your social status or your bank statement or your biographical details; instead, your identity rests solely on the pride you put into not being another guy who passively accepts an unexciting life. The simple act of approaching attractive women—regardless of the outcome—defines you as a man of value. Men who habitually approach women are more afraid of winding up average than they are of talking to girls.
Accept that tenet and you’ve already opened. You may not have met the girl, or the situation, or the time, but living by that one principle means you’ve “opened.” That’s because when you do see the girl, in the situation, at the time, you know approaching her will be implicit—a reflex. There may be a tinge of anxiety, but there won’t be any hesitation, excuses, or deferring to an unexciting, play-it-safe decision. You know that one foot will automatically step forward, and you’ll make your way over to her.
Coming from a guy who once thought cold approaching attractive strangers was impossible—an urban legend of sorts—I understand how your mind works. I know that “opening” seems as if it’s that moment when the words actually come out of your mouth, when you execute the opener proper: the delivery of a verbal “gambit.” But such a belief is no different from a child believing that newborn babies come from a stork. To a child’s innocent and naïve reasoning, this seems totally believable. Why would a child ever question where babies really come from? Moreover, how would they even conceptualize the “behind-the-scenes” act that creates baby?
Adults, however, know it’s more than that. We’re aware of the human act baby-making requires. Likewise, growing into a man is shedding this idea that “opening” begins when you open your mouth. Such thinking is naïve. The opener began 2 paragraphs ago, when I informed you of the stakes. Your identity hangs in the balance each time you’re presented an opportunity to approach an attractive stranger. Your decision establishes your identity more than any job, bank statement, or educational degree. All those labels and trappings can be stripped from you in an instant; although, your courage is intrinsically a part of you.
So to revisit this overcomplicated, over-analyzed, and ridiculous concept of opening, I urge you to readjust your thinking. The opener doesn’t begin with “Let me get a quick female opinion…”; the opener begins with an internal shift where you acknowledge the stakes. If you want to make excuses or chicken out of the approach, fine—but that’s a much worse rejection than any woman could ever dish out. For, by not approaching, you’ve implicitly agreed to live an existence of mediocrity. Enjoy a long life of passive acceptance and playing it safe. Don’t just enjoy it; embrace it because it has now become your identity. Hope you’re proud of yourself you pussy.
Yeah, that’s right: you’re a pussy. This article is tough love incarnate because I’m sick of watching people accept a life they don’t want. This is why people get divorces, have midlife affairs, hang themselves in their basements, and walk around with colossal chips on their shoulders. It starts with that one definitive moment: keep up the status quo or take a risk. Or, to put it more bluntly, approach the attractive girl or make an excuse not to. What you say to her really doesn’t matter. That’s not the opener—your identity is the opener. Decide right now what that opener is going to be. You understand the stakes.
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About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.