The Craft of Friendship: The Power of Truth
I got a tattoo the same night as my best friend, Josh. A lot of people think that we have the same tattoo, but as someone who speaks Japanese I can guarantee you that we don’t. My tattoo means loyalty, which I discussed last time, but Josh’s tattoo means truth. I think this is another important concept in friendship.
Just as we have circles of friends around us, surrounded by a circle of acquaintances and then finally a circle of coworkers followed by complete strangers, we have circles of truth. There are huge aspects of my life which I keep some people completely out of. When I was teaching at university, I kept the pickup artist side of my life secret from them. It was simply none of their business.
You want to have a life where there are people you can tell the truth to. Sometimes the most important things we need to talk about are the hardest to tell our close friends – I’m losing all my money, my relationships are falling apart, I am sick, etc. These can be challenging. But friendships are forged from experience and trust.
I made a lot of mistakes in university. Only one person knows about all of them, my best friend. He is the closest layer of truth.
Over time I have transitioned from a very dishonest to a very honest person. I usually only keep secrets to protect other people. I have slept with some girls who wanted our relationship to remain secret to protect their reputations, so I never talk about those experiences. A lot of people have confided their personal or professional secrets to me. I never reveal those.
But mostly I don’t talk about parts of my life when the other person can’t handle it. I used to tell every girl I met that I was a professional pickup artist. After a few months, I stopped this because it turned every girl annoying. Once girls know it’s what you do, they want to talk about it all the time and then they second-guess everything you do and ask if it’s what you teach your students. So now I wait until I have some level of real relationship with a woman before I share that part of my life.
There is a powerful saying from a song I used to listen to as a kid. The song was called “Dear Shame” and it’s awesome. It’s all about how shame goes through your garbage looking for your embarrassing secrets. We are all afraid of it. It’s why I try to have as few secrets as possible in my life. It is very empowering.
So I want you to start thinking about your closer friends. Do you ever lie to them?
Maybe it’s small lies, but guess what – people aren’t stupid. After a while we cotton on to when people are lying. Yes I said cotton on. I have always wanted to use that expression in one of my articles and now I finally have. See I was just honest with you. Don’t you feel like you can trust me a little more?
People want to get to know the real you. It’s what makes you amazing. We are always tempted to hide our real selves and present a generic, boring front. But nobody wants to be friends with generic fake personality #7. They want to know the real you.
This week we are going to have 2 homework assignments. I want you to try and go 7 days without telling a single lie. And that includes half-truths, lies of omission and every other form of dishonesty. It’s going to blow your mind. The 2nd part is that this time I’m going to pay more attention to any comments on here. You can ask ANY question and I will answer it 100% truthfully. Anything you want to know about me or my lifestyle.
This week will make you powerful and a stronger friend.
About Paladin Paladin (Jonathan Green) is a professional social dynamics and dating coach. He has traveled the world changing lives and living his dream. To learn more about living your dreams, visit him at www.organicseduction.com