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Hump Day Q&A: Ryan Keely Makes Sex Better

Ryan Keely with iPad

Ryan Keely with iPad

Yes, it’s not technically Hump Day. Get over it.

This week we’re talking about the lack of good Mexican food in New York, the key to getting laid all the time and the secret to a successful threesome with the ravishing Ryan Keely. Keely, who describes herself on Twitter as “Penthouse Pet sex expert, writer, model, porn starlet, occasional stripper, textophile, comic book fan, naked lady, nerd” recently proved that she could make an iPad sexy. The co-founder of Porn Star Sex Life, a workshop dedicated to teaching men the secrets to blowing a woman’s mind, busted out that sexy iPad (we can’t confirm that but it sounds too hot to not be true) and answered our questions via email.

You are the “Tony Robbins of sex,” motivating others to have better sex. Can we expect late-night infomercials in your future?

I would love to do late night infomercials! Right now I’m just focusing on giving clear, concise sexual advice.

Your Porn Star Sex Life workshops combine sexual technique with pick-up game. How did you decide to combine the two?

It’s an obvious partnership. Everyone wants to know how to pick up girls, but if you can’t throw down in the bedroom you aren’t going to get repeat business. Repeat business is the key to getting laid all the time. For a truly fulfilling sex life one needs to be able to get the girls and keep them coming back for more.

Does a lack of comic book knowledge hurt a guy’s chances with you?

Depends on the guy and how good is he in the bedroom. Good sex makes up for a lot of character flaws.

I really enjoyed “Escalation,” a very funny spoof video that features you, M. Night Shyamalan and Josh Horowitz stuck on an escalator. How did that come along? If you could be stuck on an escalator with anyone, who would it be?

I got a call asking if I wanted to do something with M. Night Shyamalan for MTV, I said yes before they told me what we were shooting. I showed up not knowing what I was getting into and had a great time. I wouldn’t mind being trapped with Josh Horowitz and M. Night again, they were really funny and we had a great time. But if I was to go with someone new, I would pick Seth MacFarlane and a flask.

After looking at your Twitter timeline, it’s clear to me that you miss Poquito Mas. I had it a few times while I lived in LA, but it’s not one of the things I miss about LA. Explain to me, what’s so great about Poquito Mas?

Good Mexican food is one of those things you have to give up if you move to New York. It’s not just Poquito Mas and their amazing nachos, mahi mahi tacos and many other delicious menu items I miss, it’s El Compadres’ enchiladas, Casa Vega’s margaritas and guacamole, even the humble El Pollo Loco has place in my heart. I love my Mexican food, and New York rarely gets it. Where is my bacon wrapped hot dog? Why are kidney beans an option for my burrito? As long as I am asking these questions, my heart will pine for Los Angeles and its delicious Mexican food.

As a feature dancer you like to include hot wax, glo-paint, and chocolate syrup into your act. Does the guy who cleans the stage after you ever get mad?

I throw a tarp down, tip well and apologize. Remember, it is easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission.

On the Porn Star Sex Life website it says that your students will “be ready and able to indulge in your naughtiest sexual fantasies … having threesomes and more.” Can you give our readers one free piece of advice on the threesome?

The key to a threesome is keeping other people happy. It’s a selfless act. Ask yourself, where can my mouth be of service? If you can answer that and perform orally with any skill and diligence you’ll be just fine. Oh, and wear a condom, itchy junk sucks.

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