Not Attracting Women? Stop Acting like a Girl
Internet trolls often tell me I have a bad attitude. It’s not something I haven’t heard before—Sister Anne McLearnin told me the same thing back when I was in Catholic middle school and dumped a vat of glue on Andy Costas’ head. In a lot of ways, I agree with these attitudinal critics of mine. A person’s attitude dictates their actions: whether it’s writing some shit on the Internet or covering someone’s scalp in milky white glue.
Certainly my bad attitude is what drives me to write snarky comments about (what I consider to be) shitty dating advice for men. As I see it, much of that advice is more geared toward appealing to other men than it is directed toward attracting women. Whenever I read some idiotic piece of advice, my bad attitude flares up and I get snarky.
Like clockwork, enraged messages from trolls follow each of my snarky remarks like stink follows shit. Most recently I was criticized for not being a “team player” because I lack a “positive attitude.” Said positive attitude implies I’m expected to vacantly promote whatever piece of dating advice flies out of the mouth of my colleagues—even if that advice contradicts everything I’ve learned (firsthand) about women.
There’s only one reason you’re reading this article: because dating advice is counter-intuitive. If attraction and pickup followed an intuitive pattern, every guy could just go out and attract women doing what he “thought” would work. For most of us, that would mean being super nice to women, kissing their ass, buying them gifts, and acting like complete wimps. That’s a losing strategy for obvious reasons.
So the illustrious world of men’s dating advice chimes in with its counter-intuitive ideas. Rather than treat women as goddesses, we’re told to “flip the script” on them. Now it’s our turn to play the role as the “goddess” as we learn amazing terms like “frame control” and “prizability.”
Rather than kiss a woman’s ass, you play “hard-to-get.” Rather than act like a wimp, you act “alpha.” Rather than doing what you “think” might work, you learn the counter-intuitive code of the dating advice industry: do what she does, because that’s not what she expects. Our male brains love it. It’s counter-intuitive, and it all makes perfect sense…
…until we actually try it. Then, you’ll discover girls react to this type of behavior, but aren’t attracted to it. The counter-intuitiveness entertains them at best, and confuses them at worst.
Trust me, I went home alone, night-after-night, feeling like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. And it was because I was acting like a girl. While it may be counter-intuitive for a guy to act that way, it doesn’t mean it’s an effective way to pickup women.
If you’re to learn how to actually pickup women, it’s going to take some counter-intuitive counter-intuitiveness. I only learned it by trying whatever—even if it seemed completely crazy or illogical. What I discovered shocked me. What worked was the exact opposite of acting like a girl.
I would have never thought I’d use a word like “shameless” to describe the ideal attitude for meeting women, but it’s true. Having spent years in “the trenches,” approaching thousands of women and trying anything and everything to pick them up, I found it’s not about becoming more of a girl—it’s about becoming more of a man.
Perhaps that sounds intuitive, but what do most guys do when a girl whines, “Is that your pickup line?” after you “open” her.
If you asked the pre-dating advice wimpy version of me, I’d probably say, “Of course not! I’d never use a pickup line! I just wanted to say hi because you seemed nice!”
If you asked the girly-man dating advice drone version of me, I’d probably say, “Woah, woah woah! Slow down speed racer and keep your hands off the merchandise!”
Now, however, if you asked the shameless version of me, I’d reply, “Of course it’s a pickup line. What do you think I’m here for—a job interview?”
Perhaps the shameless response is rude. Perhaps it demonstrates a “bad attitude.” Perhaps the trolls and Catholic nuns were right about me all along: my bad attitude dictates my misbehavior. Although, having met enough amazing girls with shamelessness, I can honestly say this: If my attitude is bad, I don’t want to be good.
No one thinks the guy acting “shameless” is the one who’s most attractive. Often people label the shameless man a scoundrel with a bad attitude. The truth, however, is that shamelessness is synonymous with masculinity—pure and simple. To be devoid of shame means to be devoid of feeling bad for acting the way you want.
Sure, trolls may flame you and the dating advice industry may contradict you. However, you’ll know the truth—firsthand—about what really creates attraction in a girl…and here’s a hint: it has nothing to do with acting like one.
>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.