How To Get A Girlfriend, Part Three
Essentially, these two balance one another. If you are overly romantic without being sexual, you can seem needy. If you act sexually without romance, then she’ll think you’re just after her booty. The key then is to find a harmony of romance and sexuality, such that she is turned on in her heart, her mind and her lady parts.
Sexuality can be conveyed in many ways, including charm, physical escalation and dirty talk. One thing I should point out is girls need a lot more nuance than guys do when it comes to talking naughty. Making suggestions about what you would do to her, and then letting her use her imagination, is far superior to spelling it out in explicit detail. As a guy, you may think that being explicit is a turn-on, but generally that only works when she’s already wet.
Romance is a complex art, and must be carried out just right if it’s gonna work. Here are a few of the many defining features of romance:
1. Be attentive to details. Remember and notice things that are important to her. Listen closely to her.
2. Gestures. Often if you simply state to a woman what your intention or desire is, that gesture suffices as romantic. For example, opening a door is an effortless task, but that gesture symbolizes your desire to serve her.
3. Us against the world. You and she form a union, and no matter what the world may throw at you, that bond is unbreakable. Along these lines is the concept of conspiracy: scheming up a plan where you two are doing some playful misbehavior as a pair. A great way to implement this is by people-watching with her.
4. The bubble. This is the sense that when you are with her, everything else in the world melts away. There is nothing more important than you and her in that moment.
5. The element of surprise. This one is huge. Give her gifts unexpectedly. They don’t need to be expensive, just thoughtful. Likewise, random texts showing you’re thinking about her will work.
6. Security. She knows you will be there to take care of her, to hold her and protect her. Even if you can’t be there, she needs to have the feeling that this is your desire and intent.
7. Compromise and sacrifice. Girls appreciate when you sacrifice your time and energy for them. Seeing some awful chick flick that she’s dying to watch – that is a romantic gesture. Be there for her, do nice things for her, but don’t overdo it. Don’t be a guy who will drop everything at a moment’s notice, or inconvenience himself tremendously, for her every whim.
8. Chivalry. A subset of sacrifice is chivalry, being of service to women. Examples include offering your seat to a girl on a bus, pulling her chair out at the dinner table, and rescuing her (such as when you show up at her work and kidnap her for the day).
9. The awwww factor. Things that make a girl say, “awwww.” Leaving rose petals on her pillow, teddy bears, fluffy puppy dogs. Many of the things that make men vomit.
10. Just because. Do things for her “just because.” You appreciate her; that’s the reason why you’re doing it. Let her know you’re glad she’s in your life, which is itself enough of a motivator for you. You expect nothing in return.
Seduction begins at hello. Sure, you can try being friends first and this will sometimes work. But the surest way to ultimately seduce a girl is to lay the foundation of seduction from the start.
Being seductive encompasses how you move, act and speak. Gestures are typically slow, tonality is deep and volume is low. Think “bedroom voice.” Eye contact is confident.
Sex happens not typically out of the blue for women, but as a result of hours of being turned on emotionally. Unlike men, who get aroused in a linear fashion, women require ups and downs. Giving attention, then withholding it. Making her guess about your intentions, teasing her, amping things up sexually and then letting her chase.
Girls who are attracted to you will test your resolve. These may be subtle like trying to cast you as a player, or they may be clear like not responding to your texts for a few days. Though it can be frustrating to deal with, this is a good thing. She likes you, so plow on. When it comes time to close the deal, you may get the greatest amount of resistance. Guys have little to lose from sleeping around, from an evolutionary standpoint; they are programmed to spread their seed. Women, however, are programmed to be highly selective since they risk not only nine months of pregnancy, but then raising the child. On top of this, girls are always concerned about picking up diseases, or losing the guys who just want to hit it and quit it, or attracting dudes who get super-clingy after sex, or the stigma of being considered loose.
Naturally then, girls will screen out guys who are high-risk, clingers, losers and betas. Expect tests and resistance, and react to it with persistence but emotional indifference. Do not become logical, do not argue about why she won’t put out, do not give up at the slightest obstacle. Girls love assertiveness and dominance, especially when it’s emotionally and socially intelligent.
A huge issue that undermines female liberation is the fear of being seen as a slut. Men may not realize how powerful this fear is, but it is ever-present among women. Never make any comments that cast yourself as judgmental, on sex or any other issue. Always take full responsibility for sex; you are the one doing the pursuing, she is free from blame if sex happens, and in the end one thing lead to another. If she says, “we’re not having sex tonight,” then you probably are having sex, but she doesn’t want you to think she’s a slut.
Most times, you will need to work out the logistics such that the two of you can be alone. You don’t need a bedroom, but have some plan that includes a car, a hotel room or even a park. Every girl is different when it comes to level of comfort having sex in strange and awkward places. Some love it, some don’t. When in doubt, find a way to bring her to your or her place when nobody else will be around.
The escalation to sex includes getting her aroused from kissing, playing with her and touching other erogenous zones. Be aware that each girl requires her own speed and manner of escalation. Some won’t kiss but will have sex. Some will resist until you find that one sweet spot (could be the neck, the knee, the breast), and then the flood gates open for you. Many girls require verbal stimulation. Some won’t get undressed until they see a condom, though they won’t openly admit this.
Have a rubber at hand at all times, in your car and wallet, and stashed somewhere you can get to immediately. Sometimes spending as much as 30 seconds looking for a rubber is enough to break her mood and cause her to back out of the seduction.
Many men, surprisingly, do not have an adequate knowledge of female anatomy or orgasm. There are two main areas you need to be aware of: the clitoris and the G spot. Both are easy to find, although many men have trouble. Read up about them in books or online. My PUA Field Guide has a chapter devoted to sex.
Though men are conditioned to believe their only choice is monogamy that culminates in marriage, this is not the reality. You have many options of relationships, and if you set the terms, you can ultimately find girls who will accept them. If you lack willingness or capability in maintaining a monogamous relationship, then don’t market yourself as such. Have integrity and be clear about what you expect from women. They will respect you for this.
For our purposes, however, let’s assume you want a single exclusive relationship. You have dated dozens or even hundreds of women, and finally after much searching, The One has come along. It’s time to get out of the game and invest all your resources in this girl.
Keeping that girl means satisfying her. You need to be there for her emotionally and please her sexually. You must be a source of both tranquility and excitement. She needs to be able to relax as a woman, trusting you will be there for her as a man.
One of the most quoted books on the subject is David Deida’s The Way of the Superior Man. Get it, read it, practice it. Aside from understanding male-female relationship dynamics, broaden your understanding of female sexuality. There are tons of books on the market on this subject, and I recommend those by Lou Paget.
Some of the things that will keep girls coming back for more:
1. Authenticity. You say what you mean and your actions are in alignment with your beliefs.
2. Clarity. When you speak, it is apparent you know what you want and expect.
3. Romance. You remain inventive, spontaneous and passionate.
4. Her friends and family. You get along with those who are important to her.
5. Jealousy. You trust she’ll remain loyal, and don’t make an issue out of her having platonic men in her life.
6. Openness. You express your feelings and don’t stifle them or sugar-coat them.
7. Relationship goals. The two of you are on the same page as far as where things are heading, and are open to discussing the terms if needed.
8. Sexual fulfillment. She has lots of great orgasms, and you keep her in a state of arousal when you’re around.
I never said getting a girlfriend would be easy or simple. For some, it is. And certainly, you may have found yourself stumbling from one relationship to another though without having actual choice, the victim of who’s in your class, at your job, or on the blind date.
You may have also found that when you don’t have your shit figured out, great women may give you a chance, but don’t tend to stick around long. The dating market is fierce for guys, and women are often bombarded with propositions weekly, if not daily.
To get that one special girl who really pushes all your buttons, you need to give her every reason to date you. The resources are out there to learn how.
Now go get her.
For more from Dr. Evan Marlowe, check out Manschool.cc.
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About Dr. Evan Marlowe Evan Marlow is the dean and founder of Man School. You can visit at Manschool.cc