Rob Judge Tells Us How To Get Over Approach Anxiety
He made out with the ugly girl first.
I’d told him to approach the redhead he’d been eyeing all night. Tom gazed at me with his glassy blue eyes, and then nodded. He took a deep breath, turned, and made his way toward her. The redhead was reclined against the pool table, her tits pressed tightly against her retro t-shirt, and she had a bored look on her face.
Right as Tom was within earshot of her, he turned to the girl standing next to her: the short, chubby booze-bag girl. I palmed my face in frustration. Here was a guy who had everything going for him—a guy that women would love. Yet he’d admitted to me that he’d only dated “5’s and 6’s” because hot women intimidated him.
I chugged my beer as I watched the abomination by the pool table unfold. Of course the chubby booze-bag loved him…he was way out of her league! As Tom spoke to her, the booze-bag’s face lit up and she clawed him.
Then, boom. They were making out. (Yuck.)
As soon as Tom could pry himself away, he walked back over to me dripping in shame.
“She was nice,” Tom muttered, looking at his shoes, “Sorta.”
“Dude…” I began, not knowing where to even begin.
Later, Tom and I ended the evening at a diner. In between mouthfuls of a cheeseburger, Tom spilled his reservations to me. Maybe it was the beers we’d had at the bar, but for a half-hour straight he blabbed in a stream-of-consciousness way everything that was holding him back from approaching hot women like the redhead by the pool table.
I realized that Tom, like most guys, didn’t lack confidence. He didn’t lack a love of women. Nor did he lack the drive to do it.
What guys like Tom lack is an understanding of what’s at stake. Maybe you can relate. How many times have you shied away from an approach, because you didn’t consider, “What’s at stake?” It’s so common to blow things out of proportion and lose sight of what counts.
In less abstract terms, it’s easy to get caught up in worrying over what other people are going to say or think, how embarrassed you’ll be if the girl rejects you, or a million other things that really don’t matter at all.
Because as you’re thinking about all those things, the girl walks away. And it’s then—then!—that you realize that you could have handled the snarky comments from haters or the possibility that she wouldn’t like you—but what you have a hard time swallowing is knowing that you did nothing at all.
You acted like a pussy. And you pay for it with regret.
I hate seeing guys like Tom go through life settling for those “5’s and 6’s.” That’s the entire reason I became a dating coach to begin with—to get guys dating the girls they REALLY want.
And that’s why I agreed to put together a custom curriculum for Tom.
I promised to throw everything I knew at him to get him over his approach anxiety. After countless nights probing his thoughts and watching him shy away from approaching, I finally figured out exactly how to get “inside his mind” so that approaching wasn’t a burden—it was a reflex.
I edited and rewrote several of my best essays, made them into PDF’s, and sent them to Tom. These essays defined the “mindset for success,” “motivation maxims,” “the right attitude,” even “the choice” he has to make internally before he ever sees a girl. Essentially, I shined a spotlight on “the stakes” and let Tom see the situation for what it was.
No more blowing things out of proportion. No more letting his imagination get the best of him. No more regrets.
As Tom studied the essays, he still had some jitters while out.
“I feel motivated when I read the PDFs,” he explained, “But when I’m out, it seems like I forget everything.”
That’s when I realized I could put my curriculum in Tom’s pocket. Using my nerd skills, I spent weeks in the Batcave creating a cell phone app. At first, I just put my core “approach anxiety” curriculum on it. But later I expanded it to include a journal, video seminar clips, and even checklists to prepare for a night out of meeting women.
I whipped it up in HTML5, called it “ApproacHER,” and sent Tom a beta version. Excited, he told me to meet up him later that week. It was going to be the moment of truth.
When I met Tom out and found him checking his phone.
“What do you think,” I asked.
He didn’t even bother to answer; instead, he breezed right by me and approached a stunning girl by the bar. Within minutes, she was claw at him just like that chubby booze-bag had only a few weeks prior.
I pumped my fists in triumph. Tom understood the stakes.
Just the other day, the Apple store approved the ApproacHER app that I gave to Tom. If you, too, would like to overcome your approach anxiety and have a tool to coach you through those nerve-wracking moments when you see a hot girl, type “Rob Judge” or “ApproacHER” in the App store.
Or, for more information, visit my information page: http://approacher.robjudge.net/
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About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.