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What’s Your Mantra?

The Wonder Years

The ghosts of our adolescence haunt us long after our voices deepen and our acne clears up. Often what happens during those formative years shapes how we see the world forever. The genealogy of our interests, our style, and our taste traces back to a time when we had 9 o’clock curfews and we’d never even seen a real-life naked woman—not even a half naked woman!

You have your adolescent stories, and I have mine. And like me, you probably don’t think much about those years. The awkwardness, the mistakes, and the sheer ignorance are better left unremembered. Though, when I’m feeling particularly introspective or sadistic, I let nostalgia get the best of me. I venture back to that distant past as I attempt to make sense of my present situations.

And obviously a “situation” I spend a lot of time contemplating is my love life. I often wonder why I had to “study” seduction before I felt comfortable meeting, attracting, and dating women. I also wonder what latent aspects of my personality bubbled to the surface once I did begin on this “studious” journey to better understand women and attraction.

In my “5 years in the game,” I’ve realized there are aspects of my personality and character that I never knew existed until I actually started concentrating on them. I’m more charismatic, charming, and brave than I ever gave myself credit for. And, even deeper than that, I realized there are certain attitudes embedded deep in my unconscious that drive my interactions with women.

I can reduce these attitudes to mantras, and trace those mantras back to my adolescence. These one-sentence “sound bites” encapsulate how I look at the world.

My Memory of Cool

The Fonz

“Coolness” is one of those abstract notions that find concrete meaning during our adolescence. Probably you never stopped to question where your idea of “coolness” came from—but probably, if you did, you’d find it lead right back to something that happened in middle school.

And that’s exactly where I was when I first heard it—when I heard my mantra. I was walking by a group of “older kids” who were crowded around one of the “popular kids.” As I passed them, my ears perked up as I tried to catch a snip-it of conversation. For me, it was my way of stealing a glimpse into “coolness.”

Someone was offhandedly talking about porn, and then asked the popular kid if he had any good porn. His response will forever be etched into my unconscious as my mantra of a life well-lived. With a snort, he replied, “Porn? I make my own porn.” While I was too young to grasp the full implication of that sentence, I somehow knew that “making your own porn” was tantamount to coolness.

My Seed

For close to a decade, that mantra laid dormant in my unconscious. I spent the next 10 years not making my own porn. In fact, I did pretty much the exact opposite of make my own porn (if you can’t guess what that entails, use your imagination). Even though that “mantra” haunted me every now and then, I never thought there was an alternative. I never thought I could turn that mantra into my day-to-day reality.

But things changed when I took control of my dating life. While this isn’t the forum to recount my epic X-rated journey, I will say this: there’s no better feeling in the world than to know why “making your own porn” is tantamount to coolness.

That realization came to a “head” for me one early morning when a girl who’d posed for Playboy was blowing me in her penthouse apartment as I watched the sunrise over the East River. I remember looking over her body and feeling surreal. Suddenly I heard that popular kid’s voice surface in my memory, saying, “I make my own porn.”

To be honest, I don’t even remember that kid’s name, but I could hear every sonic detail of how his voice sounded when he said it, right down to the way he inflected his words. Even though it was probably just an offhanded remark—and perhaps even teenage bravado—that sentence has stuck with me like the very DNA that makes me who I am.

Boiling It Down

If you were to distill my intentions, and extract my understanding of a life well-lived, you’d find that mantra as the least common denominator for my motivation. I embarked on an epic X-rated journey because I was tired of not making my own porn.

Maybe you can relate. But, more likely, you probably have your own mantra that drives your quest to become better with women. Think about it. There’s a reason you’re reading this article right now. There’s a reason you’re here, trying to become the best you can possibly be for the most rewarding woman you can possibly find.

Have you ever taken a moment to ask yourself what’s behind that motivation? Have you ever tried to boil it down to one sentence? Maybe you know what I’m talking about, and maybe you don’t. But if you don’t, you just may get a visit from the ghost of adolescence past…and it may be as you’re enjoying the pinnacle of your success.

It’s a moment of clarity you have to look forward to. Trust me.

>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.

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About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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