The Biggest Mistake Guys Make: Having No Frame
The is a huge secret that most guys simply just do not understand when it comes to meeting and trying to ninja their way into a woman’s pants. If you asked a dude what his biggest problem you will usually get back a plethora of sticking points that he has with women. I do not know what to say, I do not know how to get physical, she loses interest, etc.
Now it is great to focus on fixing all of these, but the root of a lot of problems guys have is an issue they are completely unaware of. This problem is so lethal, so stupid, and so utterly game breaking that it is imperative you cancel out all other internet smut you are looking at right now so you can listen … very … closely.
The biggest mistake guys make is having a bad, weak, or non existent frame.
The light that girl sees you in. This is pretty much determined and set in stone within the first 3 minutes of talking to a girl for the first time. If I stopped time, and asked her, “Alright, what type of guy are you talking to right here. Is he funny, is he an asshole, is he needy, is he a confident leader, does he have a physical vibe, is he attractive, what would you expect and not expect out of him?”
Stuff like this goes into your frame and the overall image the girl has of you as a person. Ironically, a lot of guys’ frame is not who they are, but the frame they are putting forth. Now because of this a good percentage of guys fall into three traps. Having non congruent (bad) frame, a non sexual frame (friend zone), or a frame that is virtually non existent. You probably do not know if you fall into one of these so let me be more specific
This is one of the most common screw up guys who get into pick up artist type approaching make. Initially when they start learning they will use routines and focus on putting forth a frame of some who they definitely or not. For example, a guy will walk up and use a flurry of funny and interesting routines with made up stories about his life. People will eat this up at first, but guess what? Now his frame is that of an imaginary stud he has made up and presented to them. He naturally is not that funny and has never traveled the world dating super models.
So guess what happens! The second he reverts back to himself for a moment. He absolutely shatters the frame he has set and the people he just met will start to be very confused by how some of his small actions drastically counteract the frame he put forth. This ends up killing the guy on the spot.
Lesson: You need to have a frame you can stick to and is similar to who you are if YOU are.
Again, this is very common. A lot of guys at bars will approach women and talk, talk, talk while making zero sexual risk. While this might keep her from getting offended or blowing you out, after about 3 minutes you are going to enter the non-sexual guy frame. She will sub consciously see you in a light of a friend or in a frame of a guy that she has zero sexual chemistry with.
Most guys do not understand this though, and about 15 minutes into the conversation they will finally get sexual. UH OH This is so far out of the frame they set in the first minutes that the girl will be put off. You cannot just be in some friendly casual vibe and then suddenly whip out your inner pervert.
Lesson: You need to be semi sexual from the get go. You do not have to molest the girl, but there should be no doubt in her head that you are interested in her sexually.
This is when the guy does not understand how to express himself to the girl. He will approach and play it very safe and stick to extremely standard interview conversation. This is what 90% of guys do, they approach, ask questions and hope the girl takes the lead by making a move.
By doing this, you literally have no tangible frame for the girl to go off of. When people do not have some feel for who you are after those first 3 minutes they either start to get uncomfortable or very bored with the conversation. No one wants to talk to someone who is a shade of gray.
Lesson: Express yourself, talk about who you are and be confident about it. She may not click with all of it, but you are setting the frame of a confident interesting person and that is never a bad thing.
Now, of course there are several other pit falls a guy can fall into when setting up his frame with them girl critters, but these are the top 3. Really look at yourself and your approaches, if you fall into one of these take some rapid action to change it before it becomes a bad habit! If you are not a good actor, do not try and put forth some crazy pick up artist frame. If girls put you in the friend zone a lot, start being more sexual. Learn to adopt these trait and apply them to your own frame naturally and over time you will have a naturally attractive frame.
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About Alex Becker Alex Becker is a dating coach and writer with a huge knowledge base in PUA, psychology, and social dynamics. He currently spends most of his time focusing on teaching college aged men how to naturally improve their success with women. In his free time he enjoys playing guitar, building websites, and his dog Chewbacca.