How to Determine If She’s Relationship Material
I’m a big fan of having a girlfriend and of relationships in general. Yes, I like having the ability to pick up chicks and date multiple women, but I think a good relationship is far more fulfilling than a series of hookups. This is especially true when you get into your 30’s (like me) and you start becoming more career minded. Having a kickass girlfriend is the way to go when you’re a busy professional.
When I’m dating a woman and I’m trying to figure out if she’s relationship material, I rate her in three different categories. For me, this cuts it down to simple terms. Here they are…
I rate this on a scale of 1 – 10. If it’s the right number, we’re a third of the way home, so to speak. There’s a ton of attributes that comprise the sexual equation, such as looks, body, fitness level, smell, chemistry, intimacy, but I start with the quality of the sex as my baseline, because everything else either stems from it or is closely related. If the sex is good, I know all the other details.
This is why I believe that having sex with your partner is necessary before establishing a relationship. The sooner the better. If the sex is bad, the relationship will never go anywhere. If the sex is great, we’ve got a good start.
For me companionship is everything you do during regular time together. Talking, hanging out, playing sports, listening to music, visiting family, going on a date, etc. Basic friendship stuff. I look for companionships that are natural and easy, and I also score it from 1 – 10. I’m looking for 8+ here.
Many guys trip up on this stage when the sex is great, including yours truly. I’ve had girlfriends where the sex was amazing (10+) but the companionship sucked for whatever reason, and I made the mistake of staying in the relationship. I don’t recommend it. It leads to a lot of stress and hurt feelings.
As a personal aside, my most intense relationship was where the sex was a 10 and the companionship was a 1. It was like we were at war with each other with a scorched Earth policy except when we were in bed. I absolutely don’t want to get into a situation like that again. It was awful.
The last part of the equation is the social, and that means how does she fit into your social circle and your family? Does she get along with everyone or do your friends and fam hate her? Do you feel like you have to hide her? This aspect is often discounted in relationships, but it’s incredibly important. It’s worth noting, women are better at evaluating the social impact of a relationship than guys are.
As a careerist, I want to point out that economic standing does make a difference in a relationship. That means if she makes a ton more money than her man, it can/will lead to problems. There are strategies for dealing with it, but that’s the subject for another post. Personally, I look for girlfriends who have roughly the same or less economic status than myself.
Last personal example, I had a girlfriend recently where the sex was a 10, the companionship was an 8, and the social was a 3. The social killed us because she didn’t feel proud to introduce me to her friends or family. I ended the relationship. Long story, but the social component does make a difference.
About Lance Lance is a tech geek by day, social artist and fitness enthusiast by night. He specializes in relationships in real life situations, such as workplace and in business, and his goal is to create high value social circles filled with opportunity. For more on his dating and relationship perspective, check out his blog honeyandlance.com