free hit counters

Why You Have to Escalate

By

A woman will give you some signals when she’s attracted to you, consciously or not. These signals include nervousness, strong eye contact, filling in the blanks in conversation (you’re leaving blanks for her to fill right?), turning to face you, and a big, genuine smile. These signals are the equivalent of her saying “I like you”.

How did it feel when you told someone you liked them and they didn’t return the sentiment? This is exactly how you made every women feel who gave you these signals if you didn’t say “I like you too” in some way, shape or form. How do we say “I like you too”? Simple, we ‘escalate’ – which is just any action that moves the relationship to a deeper, or more romantic place – basically it’s your way of saying “I like you too”.

We can escalate by expressing our sexual desire through the look in our eye, through touching her more intimately, or simply by verbalizing our desire. If you don’t though, either because you’re not interested or you’re afraid of “messing things up” or whatever bullshit excuse your fear gives you, then you’re basically telling her, “thanks but no thanks”. You’re rejecting her.

It’s now time to be honest with yourself, if you’re waiting for a stronger signal from her before you make your move, what you’re really doing is waiting for her to make the move for you. Most women won’t, and as a female colleague likes to say, she’ll sometimes make the move because most guys in our society are too afraid to, but every time she does, ‘a little part of her dies inside’. Even if they’re not dying, most women will become significantly less attracted to you if they have to make the move because you’re too afraid to.

To cut us a little slack, sometimes the signals women give can be a bit confusing. The signals that indicate she’s attracted to you are nearly identical to when she’s just being very friendly. In fact, colleagues who coach women tell me that one of the most common pieces of advice they give is for them to give guys stronger signals. So, how do we tell the difference? Easy, we make a (mild) move. I’m not saying to smack her ass at this point, but some slightly more intimate contact or direct verbalization of your feelings will give you your answer immediately. If those signals get stronger, keep escalating until she stops you! If she becomes uncomfortable, back off.

A woman will forgive you for pushing too far as long as you respect those boundaries, but she’ll never forgive you for being too afraid to make a move. Sure, I’ve gotten ‘the cheek’ much more than once after trying to go in for a kiss, but every time the woman was more attracted to me – or at least respected me more – for making a move. Also, keep in mind that as with any new behavior you’re looking to add – you’re going to do it awkwardly at first. It’s the only way to learn. Luckily women are so sick of guys being too afraid to go for it that they’ll be comically forgiving of any guy who has the balls to do it awkwardly – and you’ll get a ton more positive responses than if you don’t do anything.

So, when are you going to stop waiting for her to do the hard work for you and start taking on your masculine role?

About Nick Sparks

Nick Sparks is a professional social and dating coach located in the New York area. His specialties include building genuine and lasting confidence, removing barriers of fear and self doubt in the face of women and social situations, and helping men gain self acceptance and power through unleashing of their sexuality. He's taught hundreds of clients to become genuinely confident, fearless and charming since 2008, and is known for his direct, highly sexual style of game Check out Sparks of Attraction.

We respect your email privacy

You must be logged in to post a comment Login