A Big Factor To Determine If You Should Keep A Girlfriend
I’ve noticed an interesting phenomenon as I’ve navigated relationships in my 30’s. A women’s social circle has become much more important to the success of my relationships than when I was in my 20’s. I added this in as a primary factor to my relationship formula and I only did it in the last couple of years.
So, I see a major factor when deciding if I’m compatible with a girlfriend: social compatibility. Here’s why. Before we jump in, I want to make it clear I’m talking about girlfriends and relationships and not just banging random hot chicks. I’m all about nailing hotties and could care less about her friends if that’s the phase I’m in. But when I’m in relationship phase, the social question factors in.
Social compatibility is basically who her friends are and who she spends time with outside of the relationship. I look for women who have broad and rich social circles filled with high quality people. I look for her friends to be guys and girls that I want to hang out with. I look for successful professionals, creatives, business owners, athletic types, and folks who are down-to-earth and interesting. They don’t have to be millionaires and politicians, but they should have respectable jobs, interesting hobbies, and side projects going on. I avoid people who are addicted to drugs and have major personality flaws.
I don’t like it when the chick has no friends or her friends are losers. I generally don’t look for trophy girlfriends who have no friends of their own, although I can do that for a short time period. I have an exceptional social circle and it’s important that she can hang in my social circle and also that her friends could mesh with mine if the occasion called for it.
All of this is important because I’ve discovered when you surround yourself with intelligent, successful people, it helps to bring you success. If you spend time in negative social circles, it tends to derail your life. I see it as a Law of Attraction thing.
On a practical level, when you’re in a relationship, there’s no question that you’ll meet each other’s friends and spend some time with them. A relationship is as much about entering someone’s social circle as it is about being with her privately. So social compatibility can’t be avoided.
I had this one smoking hot girlfriend back in the day who had a normal day job and bartended at night. All of her friends were bartenders and restaurant people…which was cool for like a week, but they partied way too much and didn’t have a lot of creative energy. I had to get rid of that chick because I couldn’t stand being around her friends. It brought me down and did a number on my liver to boot.
On the other hand, I had this one girlfriend who was a doctor and her friends were awesome. They were smart, positive people, and it was easy for me to mesh with her social circle.
The drawback to social compatibility is it’s damn hard to find a chick who can mesh with my social requirements and vice versa. I’ll even relax my standards just a tad to make sure I don’t filter everyone out. One good thing about social compatibility is it’s easy to tell on the first date if this is headed in the right direction. I simply ask, “Who do you hang out with after hours? Who’s your crew?” and that gets the ball rolling.
About Lance Lance is a tech geek by day, social artist and fitness enthusiast by night. He specializes in relationships in real life situations, such as workplace and in business, and his goal is to create high value social circles filled with opportunity. For more on his dating and relationship perspective, check out his blog honeyandlance.com