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What She Means By “We Need to Talk”

When a woman brings out the ?we need to talk? line, you can bet that she doesn?t mean that she wants to have a chat about what she got up to today.

Is she dumping you?

In a word, yes. You will rarely find this phrase used in a different context. It certainly never foreshadows a good thing. How often do you hear ?we need to talk? about this delicious cake I baked for you?? Unless you are lucky enough to receive a break-up cake, this is never going to happen. At the very least, if you?re not about to get dumped, it?s going to be something else that she knows you don?t want to hear.

It?s a warning

This line is such a clich? that it?s meant to tell you what?s coming next so you can prepare yourself. You can both be on the same page for the big break up. It does seem a little mean to pull out a clich?d phrase, but she?s probably just trying to make sure that you?re not taken by surprise. Particularly if you are unaware of any problems between the two of you, you may not know that she?s planning to break it off if she doesn?t precede it with a warning. Most commonly you will get this in message form before you?re due to see her, as she will not want you to get your hopes up only to find yourself dumped by stealth.

How to respond

The worst thing you can do is refuse to have this talk with her. You?ll just be delaying the inevitable and looking childish in the process. Instead, be proactive. If she?s said it via text, ask her when she wants to have this talk, or you could call her and get it over and done with. Or, if she?s sprung it on you at a bad time, such as if you?re out at a party, ask her if it?s okay to do that the next day rather than do it with other people around. Whether you just want to get it over with or are hoping to change her mind, you need to have that talk as soon as possible. Conversely, you don?t need to jump the gun and break up with her first – that?s just immature.

Try not to give too much of a response to that line. It?s meant to help you mentally prepare so you don?t have a bad response to what?s coming next. You don?t want to react so hysterically that she?s scared of how you?ll act when she finalizes the break up.

When it doesn?t mean what you think it means

Is she not a native English speaker? Then, maybe she really does mean she wants to talk about the aforementioned delicious cake. The only circumstances in which ?we need to talk? doesn?t mean that she?s about to make a horrible revelation, is if she doesn?t understand what she has said. If she?s from a different cultural background or isn?t hugely familiar with English, it?s possible that she doesn?t know the inferred meaning of the phrase.


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About Natasha Abrahams Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at:

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