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Does She Has a Back-up Boyfriend?


He’s the guy she always goes to when she’s having problems with you. She confides all her problems in him, but insists to you that he’s just a friend. The line between ‘just a friend’ to ‘replacement boyfriend’ can be traversed quickly. How do you know if he’s a back-up boyfriend, and should you be worried?

Is she attracted to him?

Looks aren’t everything, and she may fall for him just for his personality. But if you know your girlfriend’s type and it’s not him, you’ve got much less to worry about. They probably are purely platonic friends after all. If he has the looks and charisma of a plate of dog food, you can rule out her secretly dating him (unless she has a thing for ugly guys).

Does she keep you separate?

It’s usually important to women that their partner gets along with their friends. Usually she will have a close female friend that you are required to get along with, but some women do have male best friends. You can bet that she doesn’t have a platonic relationship with her male ‘best friend’ if she strives to keep you separate from him. She conveniently forgets to invite you to events that he is at, and never mentions that she’s seen him until you ask her or find out by other means. Consider that she is probably trying to hide him from you in case you pick up on the chemistry between them.

A best friend is not necessarily a boyfriend

Don’t interpret her talking to him every day as a sign that she’s interested in him. Close friends often do have the sort of intimacy where they can talk openly about their problems; you can’t demand that she cut off one of her emotional lifelines because you backupboy2/”>feel threatened. If anything, you should be thankful that she’s not solely relying on you as someone to talk to. What you should be more concerned about is the inane, meaningless sort of conversation that could be flirting. If they relate on a shallow level but still seem fairly close, there’s a part of their relationship that you can’t see. It may be that they are closer friends than you were aware, or there could be something going on between them.
Is he an ex?

They’re dated before, so they could conceivably do it again. If you have any great friendships with ex-girlfriends, you’ll know that her just being friends with her ex isn’t that big a deal. It doesn’t mean that she will go back to him. But, you should definitely watch out for her being too close with her ex. She may have retained him in a best friend capacity so she can give him another go in the future.

It doesn’t actually matter if he is her back-up

Why does it make a difference to you if she has a back-up boyfriend? As long as she’s not seeing both of you at the same time, it doesn’t matter. He’s there as a just-in-case measure, but you’re her number one. She may feel more secure knowing that she has a back-up option. If you’re confident that your relationship is strong, he is of no consequence, even though it’s not nice of her to have a back-up guy. Or, if your relationship is not at all serious, it’s perfectly reasonable for her to have your replacement lined up.

About Natasha Abrahams

Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at:

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