How to Appear Less Needy When Talking to a Girl
Do you want to know why girls get so turned on and excited by guys we view as “players,” “jerks,” or “bad boys”?
I used to get really confused why a girl would so quickly go home with one of these guys.
And I was always obsessed with figuring out “what did he SAY that was so special?”
I’d watch them talking, and I’d see her reacting to him in a way girls NEVER reacted to me. It was the little differences; she’d touch him more, stand closer to him, and talk to him in a less formal, more flirtatious level.
Even if she were just meeting him, it would seem like the two of them have been sleeping together for years.
But what STUNG the most was that I could see she didn’t have that “bored” look she had when she was talking to me, and that with him, SHE was putting effort in. She was working to impress him. She was trying to seem cuter, more fun, and sexier.
And what really pissed me off was that it wasn’t just the “slutty” girls that would fall for his shit.
It was the “good girls” too. In fact, the good girls usually fell for it the fastest. It was almost like he flipped a switch in her brain that just made her want to bang him. (Even though she logically knew she shouldn’t)
You may have heard that girls will “test” a guy during a conversation to see if she can throw him off his game.
A way I like to look at it is that while you’re talking to a girl you have to realize that she’s fishing.
She’s dropped her line in the water and she wants to see how fast you “take the bait.”
But what most guys completely miss is that no girl wants an “easy catch.”
C’mon, we’ve all heard that “girls want a challenge” or “all girls want what they can’t have”
… Yet for some reason, whenever we’re talking to a girl we try to make ourselves as little of a challenge as possible.
We make it SO EASY for her.
– We act super interested and impressed with everything she says
– We plaster a fake smile on our face to make her feel funny
– We compliment her the first chance we get
– We ask personal questions to show that we want to “get to know her”
– We let her subtlety control what we talk about
Most of the time, within 5 minutes of talking to us she knows that we’re “hooked” and she could pull her line out of the water and we’d be flopping around the boat like a suffocating fish.
So what does she do?
She shows us mercy and throws us back in the water.
Here’s the thing, when you ask too many questions, appear too interested, or you’re won over too easily you come across as NEEDY.
And that “neediness” sets off a little alarm inside her head that says, “What is wrong with him?”
“Why does he need me to like him so much?”
Yet, most of us have been programmed to talk to girls in a way that displays massive amounts of neediness and approval seeking behavior.
This is why when a girl meets one of these “players” who are NOT displaying any of this neediness she almost immediately begins to freak out and try to win HIM OVER.
She’s so used to the instant attention and approval she gets from other guys that when she meets a guy who doesn’t seem to be trying too hard…
… It makes HER try harder.
And once a girl starts putting some effort into a conversation it naturally becomes more fun and flirtatious.
So how do you do it?
It’s going to sound very simple… but here it is:
Change the subject.
One thing a girl secretly notices is who is controlling the conversation.
Who is “leading?”
Most guys let the girl lead. Even when you’re doing the talking, chances are you’re letting her dictate what direction the conversation heads in.
Once she realizes she’s “leading” she goes into conversation “cruise control” and doesn’t put any effort in.
The first thing you need to do is “subtly” establish that you’re the one leading.
A simple, but powerfully effective thing I like to do is right when she is in the middle of telling me something I’ll completely change the subject.
It sort of surprises her. Sometimes it even pisses her off a little…
But as “players” have taught us, its OK to piss a girl off. Because its gets her PAYING ATTENTION to you.
She starts thinking “wow, he’s not nodding his head and smiling at everything I’m saying… what’s going on here.”
That’s the first step…
The second step is to transform that attention into sexual tension.
And that is what you’re going to learn how to do in this video.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.