The Secret To Perfect Confidence
Recently, I set up a date with a Tinder match.
Everything seemed to be going well. We had good banter, good tension, common interests, compatible personalities. The works.
I said we should grab drinks on Wednesday night, but I didn’t set up a specific time and we were communicating exclusively through Tinder.
Some time on Monday, we were unmatched.
Now, I don’t know if she was the one who unmatched me, because as I was doing some house cleaning of my own matches that day, I don’t know if I accidentally unmatched her.
So I was left with something of a dilemma. Straight up, obvious rejection is one thing, but this seemed like a grey area because, frankly, I wasn’t 100% sure that I got rejected.
So what were my options?
PROS: Well if she did unmatch me, I give the impression that it ain’t no thang, and I walk away with my head held high. No fuss, no muss. Game 101.
CONS: I might be passing up a really good thing here. I mean, we got along great, there was plenty of sexual tension to go around and there was no apparent reason for her to unmatch me. Maybe it was just an accident, it might have even been my fault.
PROS: If it all was just an accident, and this girl really was as attracted to me as our conversation was leading me to believe, then I might be showing confidence and establishing attraction by having the courage to message her and letting her know I’m still interested. She actually mentioned seeing me around in person a few times, so looking her up might not be that strange.
CONS: Holy shit, where do I even begin? How about that I come off as the world’s biggest creep who’s ever creeped, effectively blowing my chances with this girl forever, should I ever actually run into her in person?
I ended up going with Option 1.
But the question is, did I do the right thing?
Well, maybe. I bring this story up as a case study.
I took a low risk option and thus, received no apparent reward. Yes Option 2 held the much bigger and immediate reward, but it also absorbed all of the risk of this situation.
I’m sure if we threw this up on some PUA forum, you’d have all kinds of answers debating either side, trying to prove which of my options showed the most confidence.
And that’s because there is no right answer, because the secret to confidence isn’t how you look, it’s how you feel.
If you don’t fear losing, if you don’t give a fuck if you really get this one girl or not, you’ll be fine no matter what. It’s a kind of Zen that wraps your ego in a warm, comfortable and safe blanket.
So let’s look at the two options laid out in a different way:
Best case scenario I eventually see her in person, and this time, don’t be an idiot and get her number. My not caring pays off.
Worst case scenario: I never see her again. My not caring pays off
Best case scenario: The unmatch was all a mistake, we go on the date. My not caring pays off.
Worst case scenario: She never talks to me again. My not caring pays off.
Are we seeing a pattern here?
Becoming better with girls isn’t about getting girls. It’s about feeling in control of your life and not falling to pieces over every girl who gives you the time of day.
Conquer your fear of loss and you’ll find that there are no wrong ways to play this game.
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About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.