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The Gentlemen’s Guide To The One Night Stand

The common perception surrounding one night stands is that they?re impersonal, undignified and sleazy.

But this doesn?t have to be the case. How you handle your one night stand will not only help save your reputation, but can also help turn one time buyers into repeat customers.

For the purposes of this guide, let?s just assume that the seduction is complete. You guys are making out on the way through the door and Rock Lobster by The B52s is playing in your head.


1. Invite her back to your place.

If you can, it?s always better to bring a girl back to your place. Yes, we live in the twenty-first century, and it certainly doesn?t say anything about your masculinity or gender-roles or any other new-age concerns to go back to her place.

But, bringing her back to your?place let?s you not impose on her, while also inviting her into your life. No doubt she?ll be curious about how and where you live, so make sure your place is clean and relatively organized. Your home is a sort of manifestation of how you are as a man. Most women logically assume that a clean home equals?a put-together man.

But more importantly, this sets the stage for all the other steps.


2. Always, always, always have condoms.

Condoms. Plural. You should always be stocked.

And, do we need to go back to middle-school health class? Wrap it up, sir.

Besides the obvious protection to your health and, you know, not impregnating a woman you?re not even dating, it just puts a woman at ease when she knows that?you?re going to be using a condom, or even that wear condoms in general.

Even if she insist against it, you should naturally assume that you?re going to be putting on a condom at some point. At least do the obligatory opening of the package.

Beyond that, you just have to make a personal judgment call, but personally I?m an advocate of the ?better safe than sorry? approach.


3. Don?t be all distant and weird after.

Seriously. Once the deed is done, have a laugh about it. Talk, chat, hang out.

This girl?s a human being, so treat her like it.

Grab a couple of waters and watch some naked Netflix.

Now you do this for a few reasons. First off, not to be an asshole. Second, because post-sex is a very human moment where you really get to know somebody, and hey, you never know, she might be girlfriend material.

Lastly, you?ll both probably want to have sex again in a few minutes, so best not to rudely usher her away like a meal at a restaurant you’re done with.


4. Make your amenities available.

Shower. Mouth Wash. Tooth brush. Etc.

Again, this is about being a gentleman, and in some ways a good host. You both just performed a pretty dirty (pun intended) act together, swapping bodily fluids with quite possibly a complete stranger. The very least you can do is let them sanitize themselves.

Worst-case scenario, you buy a new toothbrush.


5. Let her sleep over.

If it?s late at night, invite her to sleep over.

You don?t have to cuddle or spoon or anything, but give the woman a bed for the night.

Look, if she was good enough to put your penis inside, she?s good enough to sleep beside you.

Walking home alone at night is a super not-cool thing for a guy to make a girl do. Especially if you live downtown and especially if you two have been drinking. Again, it?s 2015 and we know women can handle their own, but it?s the gesture. Women want to know that you?re somebody who they?re safe around.

If they?d prefer to sleep in their own bed, walk them home or make sure they get a cab. Show ?em chivalry ain?t dead.


6. Sex, the breakfast of champions.


Hey, you know another good reason to let her sleep over?

Morning sex.

It?s the best way to start your day.


7. Bacon, the other breakfast of champions.

Take her out for?breakfast.

It?s simply more dignified than booting her ass out the door first thing in the morning.

You gotta eat don?t cha? You like coffee right?

You might as well take a little time to get to know the person you just violated while you pump yourself full of deliciousness.


When you start to put this all together, you?ll find you?re making yourself a nice little ritual, where you get sex, good conversation, some laughs, relaxing with a movie and breakfast out of the deal.

Oh, and if you?re counting, this process gives you at least three opportunities for having sex, instead of just the traditional one. You just tripled your potential, all while being a gentlemen.

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About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.

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