How To Take The Stress Out Of A First Date
Typically, if you’re going on a first date with a girl, you really like her.
But that also means that you might be putting a tremendous amount of pressure on yourself to win her over and get her back to your place. And it might be making you panic a bit. You don’t want to fumble the ball when it really counts.
But any date, even the first one, shouldn’t be stressful. It should be fun. So to prevent yourself from looking like an over-stressed teenager showing up to take out his prom date, here are some simple first date tenants to live by.
If you really like a girl, there’s usually this temptation to try and do a crazy huge, super romantic first date.
Most girls have at least one horror story about this. A close friend of mine once told me about a guy who picked her up on their first date in a limo and tried to feed her fruit all night. Needless to say it was an uncomfortable situation to be put in.
Now that was a bit of an extreme example, but a lot of guys will try for a candle-lit diner or even a concert or something.
I have no idea where this comes from, because they don’t even do it in movies. The candle-lit diners are usually the ones that the main character goes out on with a bunch of losers, before they meet their real love interest .
And what are the first dates like in movies between the real love interests? Just grabbing coffee, having a stroll around the city. Talking, getting to know each other, making one another laugh.
You want something where it doesn’t look like you’re trying to impress a girl. Where you can just talk. Not only is this great from a “game-centric” stand point, giving ample opportunity to create attraction and sexual tension, but it’s also just easy for all parties involved.
It makes asking easier, because you’re not banking on her saying, “yes” as much. And it makes it easier for her to actually say, “yes” because there’s less pressure and risk of an awkward situation for her.
Keep first dates simple and casual. It’ll dissipate stress on both sides, and will probably get you a “yes” more often.
Don’t try to plan out a date or meet up two weeks in advance. It just builds up the pressure, anticipation and expectation even more.
It also makes girls flake out more times than not. Either they’ll forget about it or forget about you, or something more exciting will come up.
Great dates are set up a day or two in advance at most. The night of is ideal.
You can ask her to come out somewhere where you are;
Or if you’re not already out somewhere cool;
(You should always be building on sexual tension)
Either way, if you’re setting up a date on the night of, have a location or meeting point in mind with a time. Don’t be indecisive.
HOWEVER if you’re making a plan for a day or two in advance, you can actually keep logistics vague to eliminate pressure.
It doesn’t hurt to have an actual place in mind to stop into obviously, but make sure that you’re just sort of doing whatever, and not really making “plans”. Plans make anything feel like a chore, and nobody likes doing chores.
You’re probably trying to think up the right balance of interest and attraction to show. How much to “game” her, if you should game her at all and so on.
Most people would just tell you to “be yourself”, but if “yourself” is a bumbling mess who is focused so hard on not screwing everything up that he’s screwing everything up, don’t be that guy.
Be sexier, funnier and more relaxed than that.
You don’t want to go into “crush mode” and throw all your attractive qualities out the window, just because of how into this girl you are.
The key to getting around this and eliminating the stress is to not idolize this girl or make a bigger deal of this date than it (remember, casual).
You want to treat this date exactly the same regardless of your interest level in the girl. It’ll take the pressure off while simultaneously keeping you showcasing your attractive qualities.
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About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.