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Why You Should Stop ‘Negging’

Negging is the decade old art of breaking down a women’s confidence, usually with a sort of backhanded compliment or snide remark.

The idea being that you somehow “control” the interaction by doing so, as a way to cultivate attraction.

However, there are a few major problems with negging.

 

1) It’s a crutch.

When you get into the mindset that all you have to do is berate a women to gain her affection, it’s not only ugly, unbecoming and socially unacceptable, but it shows no social couth or value in a man who actively tries to put women beneath him.

So not only is it just plain shitty, but it’s also a giant sign of insecurity- the antithesis of confidence and attraction.

Negging can also get you stuck in a mean mindset, and if you do that, you’ll miss out on a lot of crucial parts of attraction and seduction.

Mainly, escalating sexual tension.

You get so wrapped up in the idea of, “am I breaking down her confidence enough to like me?” that you lose sight of just making the interaction fun and flirty.

Worst of all, it puts up a kind of façade for you to hide behind. Negging invites women to justifiably shit test you as hard as they possibly can, and the second there’s a crack in your armor, at any point, you’re done.

It’s just too easy to be seen as a phoney, because well, you’re kind of being one.

 

2) Women are wise to this trick.

It’s 2015, and negging is such an old hat trick now-a-days, that women see through a bad neg like a bad pick-up line.

They know that they’re impersonal.

They know when you’re doing it, they know what it’s intention is.

And I don’t know about you, but if I knew somebody was “tricking” me into trying to break down my confidence, I’d tell them to go fuck themselves.

 

So, what do you do now?

Well, you throw out the bath water, but not the baby.

You have to look at the intention of negging, which is to let women know that you’re not intimidated by them, that you’re confident, that you’re observant and that you’re witty.

All that can be accomplished by a shift in your mindset.

In this case, classic “more flies with honey” thinking.

Instead of ‘negging’, you want tease and bicker.

A tease is well intentioned; it’s funny, it’s flirty, it gets a girl laughing, and thus her endorphins raised around you.

You should always be honest, and use that to help your comedy and teasing. You can absolutely have a laugh at her expense, or yours for that matter, but that’s just part of flirting.

Hell, if you can bicker and disagree on things, even better! Bickering is like lighter fluid for sexual tension.

The key? Just don’t compromise on yourself. Hold your values true. Don’t change your opinions just for a girl or be afraid to challenge her on something.

Be yourself, but more sure of your convictions.

The benefit here is that unlike just flat out negging, these kind of fun and flirty interactions tend to naturally flow into sexual conversation, and thus provide more opportunity for escalation.

As a comparison;

Negging:

“Those shoes look seriously terrible on you. I can’t believe you went with tan.”

Teasing / flirting:

“Whoa, okay the boots are working. Consider me seduced.”

The first line? She thinks, “here’s some guy who sounds like my catty, gay best friend.”

The second line? Instant establishing attraction, instant sexualizing the relationship, primed for escalation.

You come off as a fun, sexy guy instead of an insecure dude with a chip on his shoulder.

 

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About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.

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