What Does It Mean To Be ‘Charming’?
Charm may very well be most powerful attraction tool.
It’s not a pick up line, or some kind of trick or tactic. It’s a natural, effortless magnetism.
Guys who have it never have any problem getting women attracted to them.
But in that lies a problem because, charm is a kind of intangible, and often indescribable quality.
A classic Ferrari has charm, or certain independent movies. A vintage leather jacket has charm, and for women, attractive men are charming (and charming men are attractive).
Women can’t necessarily describe it to you, but without fail, they know it when they see it.
And they actively seek it out.
Being ‘charming’ is an incredibly desirable quality because it showcases and encompasses a combination of so many other desirable traits.
It’s generally understood that if you’re charming, you’re confident, you’re witty, well put together and generally high value.
You’re a challenge to women, while raising her endorphins while she’s around you.
Like the Ferrari or the movie or the jacket, there’s an appeal and a seemingly inexplicable attraction.
To be charming means to be attractive, and seamlessly so.
We’ll break down how to do that in just a minute, but first let’s just talk about that “seamless” part, because it’s crucial.
You have to be very careful when trying to manufacture charm, because it’s always so painfully obvious when you’re trying to be charming.
It often has a negative effect, pushing girls away instead of drawing them in, because it makes you look desperate.
Looking like you’re trying to be charming often manifests it’s self in painfully cheesy lines, taking yourself too seriously or even just flat out bragging. In any case, it’s all ugly and repelling.
So then, what is the actual formula to charm?
Something the media tries to subvert is the reality that women are attracted to men, and the manly things that make them men.
And I’m not talking about the cliché of drinking beer and watching football.
Being a man is about acting with self-confidence. It’s about standing up for yourself and what you believe in, taking charge of yourself and chasing dreams.
How you look is also part of masculinity. It’s as much a part of your aesthetic as it is your social graces.
Not dressing or grooming like you’re still in high school is a decent start.
Masculinity looks like suit jackets instead of crewneck sweaters; Chuck Taylors or simple dress shoes instead of some ridiculous gold high-top sneakers, a proper haircut and so on.
Oh and believe it or not, even what you drink is a showcase of masculinity. Find your own manly drink that suits you, but I’m yet to meet a woman who doesn’t find a guy drinking a double whiskey on the rocks flat out sexy.
These are just examples of how to showcase your masculinity without showing off, but really, the overall key to masculinity is being secure.
Everything listed above, while attractive qualities and attributes (and general feel-good life improvements) are just about getting you to the place where you feel good with you.
You need to be secure in yourself to have the confidence to approach, flirt and escalate.
But women are also so turned off by a guy who isn’t secure in himself.
If you feel the need to belittle others, objectify women, constantly blame others for your mistakes or not have the courage to chase your passions, then chances are most women will (and frankly should) take a pass on you.
If you act like you don’t deserve a girl, then you really don’t.
Nobody wants that kind of negativity in their life.
One more thing of what it means to be masculine and secure- it means that you’re not afraid to fail.
So many guys hold back or never take a shot because they’re afraid of what might happen, but if you’re secure in yourself, you’ll always find the confidence to go for it.
Now, honesty isn’t necessarily telling a girl your entire life story or complaining and whining about all the things that bother you or going on about all your insecurities and damage.
Honesty is just being a real person, and not bullshitting- pretending to be what you’re not.
It’s the thing that allows you to break rapport and establish that attraction- admitting that you find a girl sexy, and positioning you to escalate.
But honesty is also the willingness to be humorous and funny, to make real observations and say what’s really on your mind.
All comedy comes from some sort of truth, so being really honest is at the heart of making a girl laugh.
This gives you wit, and the ability to own a social situation. Honesty is where your social value comes from.
If you’re honest, you don’t have to put up some front that’s impossible to maintain.
And this makes you relaxed- you seem natural, and what’s more charming than coming off as a natural?
That’s the thing about charm, it has to look natural. You just have to know without being told.
About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.