How To Avoid The Second Date Slump
I hesitate to write this article, for its premise appears tedious. What, you may ask, differentiates the second date from the third or the fourth? The answer is: you will face the challenge of the second date slump.
In my experience, the second date is when everything you hoped for has the most potential to go to pot. You got through the first date on adrenaline. You didn’t know each other, so there was much to explore and celebrate. You may have really hit it off, which made the vibe between you electric and the mood of the entire experience charmed. A successful first date is of course a good thing. It’s downside, however, is that it builds up expectations for the second date—so that anything less than a splendid performance will feel like a letdown.
The trouble is that such an experience cannot be repeated. The dynamic will change between you because you are better acquainted with each other. And in any case, your challenge during the second date is to push the two of you towards a zone of intimacy that will create the momentum necessary to carry you all the way—to whatever it is you want.
No, you cannot make her feel anything that she does not already. However, you can—nay, must—create an atmosphere that increases her ease around you and boosts her attraction to you. Few generalizations can be made about what you should specifically do, but there are a few principles to keep in mind as the second date approaches.
The first thing is to recall what she told you about herself during the first date. Most women will not tell you flat out that they’ve just gotten out of a bad relationship. In fact, their likely aim in dating you is to put that past behind them. Your girl will have tried, on that first date, to keep the focus on you and your evening together. However, she may have alluded to past romantic situations, difficulties, and challenges. One of your main tasks on the second date is to demonstrate how unlike her former boyfriend you are. Make it a point to show her—in a subtle and not too obvious way—some act or gesture that will re-assure her of this.
While doing the above you must remain your own man. Women want authenticity, and they are masters at detecting a fake. If you think you are fooling her about who you are, think again: you are only fooling yourself. When women go with a faker, they tend to do so with eyes wide open; they’re willing to play along because they’re getting something out of it. Save yourself from getting involved in such a farce by speaking and behaving in ways that are natural to you. What I said before about showing her that you’re not like her ex is not incompatible with this. That is just a matter of courtesy and kindness and a way of moving forward with a woman you really like.
Speaking of moving forward, you will no doubt have broken the touch barrier on the first date. You may have even shared a good night kiss. It is imperative that you build on this during the second date. If there is anything between you, then you should feel comfortable kissing and holding hands. You must give the second date a different feel from its predecessor. You should not only do something different and speak about different things you should also interact with her in a more physical way. If you don’t, then you may unwittingly slip into the friend zone. If she not only welcomes but reciprocates your advances, then you can feel confident about avoiding the second date slump.
Two final things. First, when it comes to sex on a second date, don’t push it too strenuously. Trust me: you will know if it’s going to happen. Second, don’t bring her flowers. Most women are uncomfortable with receiving gifts from a man they barely know. Besides, she will consider it a bit corny and cliché. This is not a hard-and-fast rule—there are few of those when it comes to dating. If you know you’re dealing with a really old fashion kind of girl, then she might welcome such a bundle. In the main, however, the best way to win her affections is to show her a good time.
About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.