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How to Breakup Better

how to break up better

They say that breaking up is hard to do and they aren’t lying. Most people have if not feelings for the person they’re dumping, at least some feelings in general that usually keep them from hurting other people’s feelings on purpose. Then add into the equation any confusion, regret, mixed messages, and an unhappy woman and it’s a wonder we get through it at all. Here are some ways to just breakup better.

Date Better

Your breakups can get a whole lot better if you actually date better people. Now sometimes breakups can be horrific because the girl was so great, but sometimes they can be so bad because the person is just slightly nuts. If you know someone is a little unhinged getting into a relationship, then you certainly can’t be surprised when things go remarkably bad the final moment.

Take Responsibility

This doesn’t mean you need to blame yourself for everything that went wrong, (unless you’re the one who did everything wrong), but you should take personal responsibility for being in the relationship to begin. That means that in certain ways you got yourself into this mess and you’re capable of getting yourself out. For the most clarity and peace in a breakup, let her down gently but in a straightforward way that she’s sure to understand the first time around, and for sticking to your own limits and boundaries that feel healthy to you.

Avoid the Mean Stuff

It might sound easy to explain why you’re dumping someone by listing out their faults, but we all have them, and you liked her at some point (right?), so be kind. It’s better to leave a relationship in a peaceful state than a wacky one whenever possible, even if it’s just to avoid getting mean mugged by her friends for the rest of your life. No one really needs to add drama to their lives. You should of course be clear about why you’re ending the relationship, but preferably with polite honesty and little name calling.

If you find yourself pulling out terrible words to make sure that you get the job done the first time, make sure you’re breaking up for the right reasons. And then figure out how to explain your feelings behind those reasons. Be prepared to hear her side of things, and possibly some not great things about yourself, and avoid getting defensive which just makes communication impossible.

Don’t Do it Drunk

Drunk breakups are possibly the messiest thing that’s ever to relationships. Words get jumbled, emotions get heightened, and the possibility for tears raises substantially. Plus, depending on how drunk the breakup is, sometimes people don’t remember going through it all or are missing some important pieces of it. Which means you’ll just have to do it all over again.

Don’t Gloat

If you have any interest in looking like the nice guy that you are following a breakup, don’t go posting single status updates on your Facebook page or stepping out with a new girl the next day. Be respectful and let the ting rest for a second. And on the flip side, if you break up with a girl and then see her with a new guy the next day, you can’t be mad. You just can’t. If you end it you don’t have any claim over anymore more than the label of ex-boyfriend. Wear it well.

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About Kate Ferguson Kate Fergus is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blogs and online magazines. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce.

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