Things to Discuss Before You Move in Together
For some people moving in with a significant other is a taking a giant leap in the status of a relationship, and for other people it’s more like a way to save on rent money. Whatever the motives behind cohabitating are, here are some things you should discuss before you’re actually living under the same roof.
You can have whatever motives you want…as long as the two of you are on the same page. The last thing you want to do is sign a lease together and then find out that you don’t have the same future goals. You don’t have to know exactly what the future holds, but you should be able to come to a mutual understanding about what this means for the relationship. Some people might assume that moving in together is the step before getting proposed, while the other person might not have any intention of getting married either. If you’re not at the point in a relationship to have that sort of an honest discussion, then you might be moving a little fast on the whole moving in together thing.
It is always important to talk about money before making a money oriented decision with someone else. It’s best to get clear about things ahead of time. Will you be splitting everything down the middle? Are you covering rent if she gets the utilities and food? This can be a little more confusing when you are asking her to move in where you currently live, be honest about what you are offering and what you aren’t. Most people are going to have different ideas about how to spend money, so if your individual habits stress each other out you can also discuss having a shared account that handles the necessities.
One of the easiest things to get in a fight over is something related to cleaning the house (or not cleaning the house.) You might not ever agree on how to do everything having to do with keeping house, but it is important to get on the same page. If you are a total clean freak you might want to do most of the cleaning yourself but could still end up resenting her for not pitching in. In that situation you could work something out that you both think is fair. It’s sort of annoying to discuss, but it could save a lot of annoyance down the line.
If you’re in a relationship with someone you probably already have a good idea of how much time they spend with their friends, but maybe not. If you plan on throwing parties every weekend that is probably something that she would want to know ahead of time, and vice versa. If you need to get to bed early on weeknights you might want to discuss that before she gets into the habit of having a girls TV night most of those nights. It’s generally pretty easy to workout, as long as you’re just communicating about it.
About Kate Ferguson Kate Fergus is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blogs and online magazines. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce.