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The Right Way To Be Jealous

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You never thought it could happen to you. You have spent your entire life thus far moving from one woman to another—and enjoying every minute of it. Something has changed with your current crush. You have not spoken to her about it, but you feel closer to her than to any previous woman you’ve been with. One of the first signs of this emotion is the strange sensation of anger, resentment, and desire you’ve recently experienced after seeing her flirt with another man.

You are jealous. This is a perfectly normal response when you sense that someone you care about is giving undue time and attention to another. But what should you do about it?

Well, that all depends on your situation and personal circumstances.

The first thing to assess is whether you have reasonable grounds to be jealous. Flirting is a natural human activity. You might even call it a basic instinct. Most men and women flirt when they are flirted with by exceptionally good-looking individuals of the opposite sex. Others are consummately flirtatious, and will act on this impulse no matter what.

Your girl, if she finds herself in the presence of a hot guy, may engage in the following types of innocent flirting: excessive smiling, excessive laughing, excessive leering, excessive swishing of her ass, light hitting, and running her fingers through her hair. You may not like it, but it is not something you need to worry about.

More dangerous—and unacceptable—types of flirting include exchanging numbers, highly-sexualized comments and conversation, and the making of plans for coffee, lunch, or dinner.

The next thing to look at is the state of your relationship. If there is no real commitment between the two of you but you nevertheless find yourself feeling jealous, then there is little doubt that you want something more serious. In this instance, it is a good idea to make your feelings and intentions clear to her soon after you sense your first pang of jealousy. It doesn’t mean she will never again indulge in innocent flirting; only that she is less likely to involve herself in the more dangerous kinds of flirting

If you feel jealous, you must also take time to assess yourself—your own history and temperament. A bad break-up, a past experience with a girl who cheated on you, a family history that includes strain and dysfunction because of infidelity—all of these can make you extremely sensitive to the slightest hint of impropriety. You should acknowledge that to yourself first. Then, if need be, have a little chat with your girl in which you explain your position and ask her, in as light and playful way as possible, not to flirt with other men in front of you.

It may be the case that you are naturally possessive. You feel a strong sense of protectiveness and proprietorship toward her. Many men feel this emotion—which can be strong and persistent. It is indeed a feeling that may tempt you to act out aggressively or be passive-aggressive. Take note of the urge and do all you can to control it. Then, do as I advised above. Sit her down for a little chat whilst keeping the atmosphere calm, gentle, and light-hearted.

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About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.

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