Friend-zoned Or Just Taking Things Slow?
This post goes out to the guys who have met a great girl and built what appears to be a great connection – she laughs at your jokes, texts you all the time and meets up with you regularly – but she remains resistant to physical affection.
This situation is enough to confuse the smartest of men. Does this woman only see you as a friend, or is she a slow-burner when it comes to romance?
The easiest way to find out is to ask her. This is highly recommended. It’ll either:
These are all wins. However, if you don’t want to talk about her feelings, there are a few telltale signs that’ll show you exactly where you stand in this scenario.
Below is a list of the biggest reasons you fall into the friend-zone or the ‘taking it slow’ zone, plus some tips for staying out of either of them.
There are two main types of guy you’ll find buried in the friend-zone.
Those who don’t make a move fast enough will nearly always end up there. Girls are turned on by guys who have the bravery to unashamedly go for what they want. If you hide your affection for her or show it in a cowardly indirect way, this’ll kill any attraction she may have felt for you.
The other occupants are those who were too nice to her. The theory behind ‘nice guy’ syndrome suggests that women aren’t attracted to men who are putty in their hands. If you’re a guy who buys gifts, agrees with everything she says and goes out of his way to impress a girl, you’re often coming across as a desperate dude who can’t get any other girls. Not a good image. The opposite of being a ‘nice guy’ isn’t being an asshole, it’s being a ‘good guy’. Click the link for some great tips on transitioning from one to the other.
If you recognize yourself in either of these categories, you’re won’t be moving beyond cuddles any time soon. Here are some steps for escaping the friend-zone as soon as possible.
Some girls will take things slow with a guy they like because of their upbringing or something that happened in the past. Perhaps she’s getting over a break-up. Maybe she has religious views on hooking up really quickly. There’s a possibility she’s sexually inexperienced, socially anxious or has experienced some physical trauma at the hands of an ex-lover.
Others take things slow because they sees you as a ‘provider’, rather than a lover. The lover/provider theory is another complicated one, stating that women will act like a sexually liberated bad-ass for one and a pure innocent princess for the other. Click the link for some great psychological explanations of why this happens.
You’ll need to be patient with both types of ‘slow-burner’. With the first category, it’s all about empathy and showing her she can trust you. Rushing her into anything physical is the worst thing you can do. With the second category, you might just have to stick it out. It’s tough to transition from provider to lover, which is why you should always start interactions acting as the latter.
So, what’s the best way to avoid situation where you’re waiting ages to not get any action? Here are four pointers.
A great tip is to make a move as soon as possible. It doesn’t take months of friendship to show you’re take her on a date. Demonstrating the key signs of attractiveness should only take a few minutes, so act fast. Although TSB Mag’s tips will help, the truth is it’s tough to escape the friend-zone once you’re in it.
Another essential step is to be proud of your sexuality. Open the conversation by complimenting her appearance. Close it by saying you’d love to take her out. On the date itself, try and hold hands as soon as possible. Flirt outrageously. Talk about sexual topics. Don’t try and sneak into her knickers without her knowing she likes you. It doesn’t work.
Next on the list is to avoid the provider frame. Mainstream movies have taught men to own a Ferrari, wear a Rolex and go for fancy dinners if they want to impress a woman. This is actually all unnecessary, and can even be harmful . There are tons of fuckboys who work in a bar or as a waiter and get laid like crazy, because they’re fun and care-free. Concentrate on cultivating these personality traits first, then spoil the women that deserve spoiling later.
The final tip is to date more women. You’ll care less about what one particular girl thinks, plus the ones that like you will work harder to win your approval.
If you follow this advice, you’ll never need to guess whether a woman actually likes you again.
About Joe Elvin Joe Elvin is a dating/relationships blogger currently travelling the world living as a digital nomad. His book ‘The Thrill Of The Chase’ explains how learning to truly enjoy singledom helped him to dramatically improve his dating life.