About the Author
I haven’t posted anything by Sebastian Drake in awhile. He’s always been one of the most down to earth genuine coaches out there… and I thought that this list he sent out of likeable characterstics was worth sharing with all of you.
If you guys haven’t heard Sebastian in action… I highly recommend checking out his audio series Master the Vibe. I wrote a review of the series awhile ago, and as most of you know.. i”m a big fan.
13 Characteristics of Likeable People by Sebastian Drake
1. Smiling - People who are at ease, confident, and happy tend to smile, and that smile puts people at
ease. Smiling shows that you’re pleased to see someone which can be really flattering. If you want to change one thing to come across more social, smile a big smile. Sometimes you will not feel in the mood to smile -however, if you choose to smile anyway you’ll still get the great results.
2. Eye contact - Maintaining eye contact when you talk to someone draws them deep into conversation with you - the rest of the world slows down, and you both become quite important to each other. It shows a calm confidence in what they are saying and it makes them even more engaging, almost hypnotic. A quick tip: Right eye to right eye. Look from your right eye to the right eye of the person you’re talking to. This strikes a great balance between good eye contact and not staring.
3. Touch - You’ll consistently see magnetic people reach out and touch others. Touching shows emotion and affection and brings you closer to other people. Humans crave physical contact with others, and more emotion and affection can be expressed through touch than any number of words ever could. Next time someone does or says something you really like, give them a high five, some “pound”, a playful punch on the arm or a big hug.
4. Not talking about yourself - Likable people typically are more curious to get to know other people and don’t talk about themselves as much. Likable people are always looking to find out more about the other person, what they are doing, and what interests them the most. Most people don’t feel heard - likable people know this, and encourage others to talk about what they really enjoy.
5. Not talking too much - Closely related to the above point.Likable people and high status people do not talk too much. Instead they encourage others to talk and to open up. People love to talk about their experiences and cool things they’ve done - when you become more curious and encourage them to speak more, they’ll actually like you more. If you catch yourself rambling for a while, an easy way to adjust is to say, “But that’s enough about me - what about you?”
If you like this post then please consider subscribing to our full feed rss or twitter. You can also listen to all episodes of our radio show on itunes or register for our members only section to see things we can’t or won’t post to the site!
Read More:
1- 2
- 3
- 4
August 25, 2008
Good list, I hadn’t read that before. Wanted to add my two cents on a couple of items:
1. Smiling: I’ve spent HOURS working on smiling, to the point where I spent time taking pictures of myself with various smiles. Seriously. A photogenic smile felt super awkward the first several zillion times I did it, so I never did it in real life, but now my smile looks nice and photographs well. If you make this one change it’ll go a long way. I can usually get people to open up to me based on this alone.
2. Same deal with eye contact, I went through a stretch working on alpha eye contact and was surprised by the results. I’m better at communicating strength and sexiness with focused eye contact.
3. Imposing weakness. This one is huge! This is the biggest difference between my AFC friends and my pimp friends. My pimp friends always exude positivity and “bring each other up,” while the AFC’s bag on each other and unconstructively point out the negative. No matter who you’re hanging out with, bring the positive and make people feel good.
Recent Words from Lance..The Weekly: Honey Edition
August 26, 2008
Although you don’t want to “force” your opinion on others… giving a GOOD tip is awesome as well….
… something “underground” that no one knows… that they can get results from.
Even if they didn’t ask for it (but it has to be good).
Too many people are always on the “take”
Recent Words from Brad..The Dirtiest Manipulation Technique That No One Talks About
August 26, 2008
Always be positive? So much for that “negging” we were all nursed up on…
August 26, 2008
Aaron, do a websearch on ‘Mutual Value Escalation’ by Seb. I don’t have any links on the topic.
August 27, 2008
Aaron says: ‘Always be positive? So much for that “negging” we were all nursed up on…’
If you’re downbeat and negative in your general vibe and you neg someone it may well fall a bit flat.
But if you make the same neg and you are positive and upbeat in your vibe it will come across more like playful teasing.
Girls like it.
Here’s why:
The other day my friend Mark negged me (AMOGging me) but because he’s a positive guy and I really like him it actually made me feel re-affirmed as his friend - and he is safe in the knowledge that he can bust my balls and we can laugh about it (and I can do that to him, too).
By negging a girl while projecting a *positive* vibe the same thing is happening - you’re being ‘familiar’ with her like you would with a friend. Its this ‘being familiar’ vibe that makes the girl actually feel comfortable with you but at the same time want to chase you, because she subconsiously feels like you are sub-communicating that she is in your ‘friend zone’, like my *actual friend* Mark did, with me.
Hope that makes some kind of sense …