Rules of the First Date
Here is a quick read from Mike Pillinski. It is about the terribly awkward first date.
First Date Rules by Mike Pillinski
First dates will always be nerve-wracking affairs for most men I suppose,
but they don’t necessarily have to become a festival of hurt feelings and
blown opportunities if you just stick to my one personal big rule for first
dating. And what is that? Simple… No ROMANTIC First Dates!
Surprised? Well, by way of costly personal trial and error I have
determined that it is time to abandon the classic Lance Romance-style
first date once and for all. The kind where you break out the American
Express card and spring for the best candlelight dinner at some upscale
bistro with the most expensive menu and wine list around. These deals
always found a way of turning into exploding cigars for me for a variety of
reasons… and I’ve got scorch marks all over my bank account to prove it!
There is a better way my friend.
The ability to impress women with this kind of old fashioned dating-by-
the-numbers crap has been steadily losing it’s power over the
generations anyway as females become more and more empowered and
modernized. They are beginning to expect a bit more CREATIVITY from
men in this regard, and those who can deliver the psychological goods
possess a definite edge in the mating game.
So I say why not avoid all these dangers AND throw her that creative
curveball by sticking to HIGH ACTION FIRST DATES… I’m talking about
activities like skiing or dancing or even (yes!) bowling! Seriously, you
have a better chance of connecting with a chick on a stupid bowling date
than by sitting across from her in a dim restaurant, slowly getting drunk
and spilling out your sad and lonely guts to her. Guys get
themselves into deep trouble by revealing way too much about
themselves too soon and they end up blowing all their mystery away.
Action dates generally produce less of an opportunity for those long
involved discussions which are ripe with such dangers. The talk tends to
center around the activity itself and less about deep feelings. Save
those for the NEXT date after you’ve had some real fun together. As long
as you keep the flirting up and steady all throughout the date, this playful
teasing will continue to establish your romantic interest in her despite
the non-romantic activity that you’re probably engaged in. This builds
connection and keeps the pot boiling long enough to bridge you across
successfully to that next date.
Remember, ACTION EQUALS PASSION because physical movement
gets both the adrenaline and her emotions pumping in a similar fashion
to sexual arousal, and on some level of her consciousness, things can
become confused to YOUR advantage!
Premature romantic dates also carry with them the potential of turning
into angry pissing contests over some minor issue that should’ve never
come up in the first place. Remember, this early on she might be
searching for that big red flag to justify pulling the ripcord on you, and
like some punk breaking under a good waterboarding, you will surely
crack after a few hours. I’ve done it, and I’ve received gobs of mail from
many of you guys out there crying the same sort of blues.
So if you DO get trapped in a gab-fest on that first date, here’s
some important IED’s to avoid stepping on:
1) Referring to your date in the Third Person. Instead of saying “What do
you think of the shrimp scampi, Marsha?” you re-phrase it: “So, does
Marsha like the shrimp scampi?”. This is how an adult talks to a child in
order to maintain an impression of superiority over him or her, and it’s
extremely condescending. This kind of remark drops an instant verbal
wall between you and the woman by suggesting that the two of you are
not equals, and that you view her as inferior. Only a woman with a case
of very low self-esteem would let something like this slide by without
being upset, and who needs to be messing around with losers like that?
A similar deadly sin occurs in a situation where there is a significant age
gap between yourself and the girl and you refer to her as “young lady”.
Are you her daddy or what? I thought the idea was to become her Man?
It won’t be happening anytime soon with these sort of verbal clunkers
stinking up the air.
2) Getting into a discussion where you begin to GRADE things about her
and decide what her “upside” and “downside” is likely to be in the
relationship that you’re already expecting to happen. “I can see you are
a bit stubborn, which is a downside to being with you… but you have a great
smile too, which is a plus!” Well isn’t that special?
Again, this is pure, concentrated condescension because you have
automatically assumed the role of the teacher handing out the “grades”,
while she can only be the pupil in this scenario, right? Imagine if some
dude you hardly knew did this to you after only having met you minutes
before… you’d naturally want to knock his block off. Your date may not
punch you in the face, but she’ll likely go cold on you for the rest of the
Having fun yet?
Modern women don’t submit to men like idiots as they did in the old days.
Try to remain on a psychologically equal level with her at all times and don’t
like an over-controlling, nerdy “judge”. She’s not your girl YET, you
3) Speaking of being the uber-nerd and hopeless over-planner, don’t ever
tell some girl that you’ve just started dating something like, “I’ve got PLANS
for you, baby!”. This is horribly egocentric and makes it seem like you
already regard her as your possession. It signals that you are a needy,
desperate, possessive sort of guy who just can’t wait to fit her into some
preconceived romantic dream-vision that you’ve been cooking up for god-
knows how long. Would you like to be told that you’re a pawn in
someone’s “plan”? How fucking creepy is that? Sheesh.
If you take the time to create emotionally connective feelings with a
woman FIRST by using the power of action before self-revelation, all your
conversations can become delightful instead of deadly. My ideas are
always designed to make this stuff as fun and interesting as possible in
order to keep you motivated and participating in the social process.
Because this is how you will eventually develop all those mad skills
you’re looking for.
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.