Accept and Follow Your Natural Desires
This article from the guys at Pickup Arts reiterates Mike Stoute and I’s primal truth that you should never be afraid to show that you are a man. Nor should you ever apologize for your natural desires. Women are attracted to men. Period! -Bobby
Natural Desires by Jay Valens
If you have watched TV in the last few days you have likely gotten
at least another dose of programming that tries to persuade you
indirectly or directly not to follow your natural desires as a man.
If you saw a Hollywood movie recently, especially a romance movie,
you probably got another dose.
If you watched the news recently, you probably got another dose.
If you read the newspaper, you got a little more.
Just about wherever you go and whatever media you see in our
society, there is a subtle message that if you are too overt about
directly following your desires as a man, the consequences will be
bad or at least embarrassing.
I saw a TV commercial yesterday that was a great example. It was
one of those commercials where they parody adult life by having
kids acting like adults in a business setting. I don’t remember
what was being advertised or even fully what happened but since I
am attuned to trying to catch examples of what I call
“demasculinization” I did catch that it was another example
discouraging men from hitting on women, another example trying to
tell you that women have all the power when it comes to selecting
Basically there was a girl receptionist/secretary for a company,
and a boy and a girl (each about 8 years old but acting like
adults, each dressed in business clothing) standing in front of her
desk. The girl was trying to set up a schedule for the week, and
she mentioned having a dinner appointment. The secretary tells her
that appointment has been canceled and the boy coworker volunteers
that he is available for dinner with her. Suddenly everything goes
quiet except for the sound of the creaky wheels of a FedEx delivery
dolly being wheeled across the floor in the background and there is
an uncomfortable look on the girl’s face. Then a similar thing
happens where later he again tries to make a pass at the girl, and
this time she ignores him again and you hear crickets.
Granted his approach wasn’t so smooth, but regardless the message
guys get at least on some level is that if they follow their
natural desires they are likely to be ignored. This is just one
example, but I see countless examples every day.
The first thing you have to learn to do is to be on the lookout for
this kind of programming and actively counter it in your mind.
The next thing you have to do is actively start trying to act on
your natural desires you have with women. If you find a woman
attractive, you have to learn to pursue her instead of hoping she
will let you know she thinks you are attractive. It almost never
happens that way.
Let me give you an extreme example of what life might be like if
you did act on your desires.
You see, I have a friend who is a natural when it comes to women.
One of the first times I was out with him, I remember he wasn’t
even drinking yet but he immediately told a hot bartender “I really
like your ass!” I was pretty shocked because back then I was
pretty well brain washed myself not to ever be so overt. I was
getting ready to apologize for him or to get thrown out of the bar,
but instead she smiled at him. A little later he told her “You
have really great tits!” When she passed by again later he said “I
really love your legs!”
Just as I was getting ready for her to go off in a tirade, she
instead comes over and leans in to him and says “I like a man who
isn’t afraid to express himself like that. I have a boyfriend,
really I do, but if I didn’t, I would let you take me home with you
OK, I am NOT suggesting saying these kinds of things to women, it
is likely to backfire especially if you are not 100% congruent. I
tell you this story just to impress on you that some part of a
woman’s psyche is actually programmed to respond to a man who
follows his true desires and isn’t trying to excuse himself for
Now that I have learned so much more about women, I am convinced
that if my friend had pressed the issue he could have gone home
with that bartender that night. Instead, he was just showing
genuine appreciation; he didn’t even really care about the outcome.
And again while I am NOT saying to tell women you like their ass or
tits, I want you to capture the essence of just acting on your
desires and not being ashamed of being a man. If you like a woman,
go after her and don’t make excuses about it. That alone can set
you apart from all the men out there who follow the programming
society gives them to be afraid of women or coming of as a sexual
In Robert Greene’s book “The Art of Seduction” (which I highly
recommend), he talks about various archetypes of seducers, one of
which he calls ‘The Rake’. The Rake is basically the type of man
who really loves women and isn’t afraid to show it. His frame is
basically that he is so consumed by passion for a woman that he
almost blames her for his attention, he can’t do otherwise but
pursue her. It is his strong passion and unyielding desire that
make him attractive to women.
The Rake is another example of how following your natural desires
as a man and not making excuses can make you more successful with
I have mentioned before that a key realization that men should have
is that women are sexual beings and want sex as much as men do.
But they often have to hide this fact do to even stronger societal
constraints. So sometimes they will test men to see if they wont
waste their time when it comes to sex. They will test men by
saying things like “you just want to sleep with me, don’t you?”
The average guy will cave in and say “No, I don’t, I am just trying
to get to know you first.” In many cases, he has actually shot
himself in the foot with such a statement, basically verbally
The man who follows his desires has better answers:
“Only if you are lucky!”
“Yes, I do.”
“No, I don’t want to sleep with you. You and a hot friend of yours
together though, that’s a different story!”
The takeaways for you to get from all of this discussion are:
1) Be constantly aware of the ways society and media try to get you
not to follow your natural desires as a man.
2) Always strive to err on the side of following your natural
desires with women.
3) Women will often test you, so be prepared to let them know in a
creative way that you are one of the rare men who won’t try to hide
his natural desires.
For a deeper discussion of why these things are important, and to
see examples of the kind of male behavior we are talking about,
consider picking up a copy of “The Art of the Pickup” DVDs.
And in the meantime, enjoy being a guy!
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Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
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About Jay Valens Jay Valens & Ray Devans are the masterminds behind The Art of the Pickup plus the founders of the first & largest site dedicated to pickup, attraction & dating advice for men... Their [pickup newsletter] is top-notch & their advice caters to average guys worldwide, not just the young college or club crowd. They regularly answer subscriber questions & have one of the most amazing pickup learning tools around, The Art of the Pickup: Tactics & Techniques.