Your Secret Weapon… Develop with Caution!
Here is a great post by Stephen Nash, author of How to Get a Girlfriend about changing your lifestyle to attract more women. I think not enough guys realize that women are attracted to the guy you truly are, not the image you put on when your at the bar. Read this if you don’t get what I mean. -Bobby
How to Get a Girlfriend by Stephen Nash
This is THE main thing that I find myself helping guys with. In my
one-on-one sessions, we tend to spend a lot of time discussing
What do I mean when I say lifestyle?
Essentially, I am talking about the WAY you spend your time – what
do you do? How long do you do it? How often do you do things that
are healthy and fulfilling? How often do you waste, or ‘kill’, time
(an awful phrase in our lexicon)?
If you have kept up with my earlier Master Classes, you can probably
see where I am going with this. If you want to be happy and fulfilled
– and therefore a magnet – you need to take ownership over your own
life first. How you choose to spend your time is a HUGE piece of that
In my 7-Day “Natural Attraction” audio program, I spend an entire day
discussing the aspect of lifestyle with you – and we walk through
specific exercises which help illuminate your purpose, and then
steps are outlined which allow you to create a plan of action to
fulfill this. You literally leave the program knowing what you want
out of life, and then how to attain these goals. In case you
haven’t noticed – guys that get this area handled have ZERO
Let me repeat:
GUYS THAT GET THIS AREA HANDLED HAVE ZERO
CHALLENGES WITH WOMEN
Let’s assume that you are like most people, feeling somewhat
trapped in your job and you wake up grumpy in the mornings trying
to find the energy to head out to “the office”. This job serves you
in some way, otherwise you wouldn’t have it. It could just be a
paycheck to you. In fact the majority of people see their jobs as a
necessary evil, and not as a place to express their intelligence
There are two things though that you have massive control over
right now that I am going to discuss. The first is your attitude.
If you hate your job, you are forgetting that you are lucky to have
one, and that you could spend that “hateful” energy in a positive
way by looking for another job, or changing your career path! Make
I am not sure why, but most of us out there lose sight of what we
have in favor of being resentful at what we do NOT have! Amazing,
but true. If you REALLY hate your job, find another one. If you
hate your career, take action and become self-employed or go back
to school. Yes, these things take time, but it is remarkable to
witness the power of change in one’s attitude when they simply make
a decision to begin this process of change. If this describes you,
take stock of this and formulate a plan of action that works for
you. Do not, for example, make the mistake of quitting your job
before you have another one. Don’t add the negative emotion of
financial insecurity (anxiety, the American killer) to your plate.
Be intelligent and put yourself into action. Find gratitude for the
current job that feeds, clothes and shelters you.
If you like and are fulfilled with your work, you are in the
minority, and I congratulate you. The key is to have a positive
attitude on a daily basis: to see the glass half full, rather than
half-empty. If you don’t like your current reality, take action to
change it. Empower yourself by stepping out of the victim role, and
taking action as soon as you finish this book!
The other area that you have control over is how you spend the rest
of your time. What do you do when you aren’t banging away at the
office computer all day? Are you a couch potato? Are you out of
shape? Do you have an active social circle? Are you involved in any
Most of us spend our free time haphazardly, and we call it
“spontaneity” or “relaxing”. I do not suggest that you manage your
time down to the second. But, I am suggesting that you use this
time to encourage more happiness and joy in your daily lives. If
you are a great cook, throw a dinner party to revitalize your
If you love to swim, join a swim club at the local gym. Perhaps you
love sports – get involved in a local league that is gender-mixed.
The outlets for your interests are countless. It might require a little
imagination, but you must get involved in the world if you want to bring
more positive emotions into your life.
To bring it back to our primary aim, this is more ATTRACTIVE. Also,
by being out in the world, you engage more women with similar interests.
The fringe benefits to being active and involved in the world are a sense
of meaning and connection. Every man deserves this and is responsible
for taking the necessary actions to create this reality.
So many people live a life that is out of balance, spending a
dominant portion of their time and energy “on the job”. Balancing
work and “other” time is critical because it allows other parts of
your personality to come forward and be expressed. It gives more of
a variety of experiences to draw from when relating to other
people, as well as providing other outlets to meet people enhancing
your social circle. It is also healthier. People who live more
balanced lives are happier. Do I need to convince you more?
In my experience, the eight areas of life that need to be balanced
into a healthy lifestyle are:
*Career/Work – In the ideal world, we all love our work. In the
real world, we do not. Find a way to be grateful for your job, and
useful. You will spend a lot of time at work, better to have a
positive experience while there.
*Creativity – This is where hobbies are important. Perhaps you are
an artist? Find time to create. A great hobby is photography. You
can do it as you walk through your neighborhood. It is also a great
way to meet people, and to share experiences with others through
*Intellectual – This is an area which is very neglected. It is
important that you keep your intellect sharp. One way to do so is
to read the newspaper on a daily basis. Or, dive into classic works
of fiction, or poetry.
*Health & Fitness – Get in shape and stay in shape. There is no
substitute for a great diet either. These are critical for living a
healthy, balanced life. People who eat right and are in shape have
better attitudes than those who do not. If your body feels better,
you will feel better.
*Social – You need to spend time with your friends, relaxing and
socializing. It is very important to have an active social life, as
it keeps you connected and involved with the world. Also, having
fun and sharing laughs helps you recharge intellectually and
emotionally. Without an active social life, people tend towards
depression and isolation.
*Family – This can be sensitive for some people who experienced
difficulties with their parents when they were younger. Your family
can be a great source of comfort and connection, as well being
supportive through difficult times. It is common for people to feel
challenged in their family lives. However, growing through these
challenges forges character and integrity.
*Companionship & Intimacy – Ultimately, every person deserves a
lasting, meaningful relationship. It can be both nurturing and
challenging. Ultimately, it serves to help us be open to another
person, and understand the nature of intimacy and love. Intimate
relationships are important in any person’s development. The result
is a greater sense of ourselves, and a more fulfilling and happy
life. Most of you reading this are probably looking for this.
*Austerity – Lastly, each of us needs time alone. This is when we
recharge and connect with ourselves, and our purpose. Perhaps this
is when we indulge in our hobbies, or when we practice daily
meditation. Spending time alone helps us reenter the world feeling
refreshed and connected.
Find outlets for your interests and then pursue them. If you feel
that one or more of these categories are missing, creatively
brainstorm ways to bring this into balance by taking some action.
Perhaps you would benefit from taking a meditation class. Or,
pick-up that novel you have wanted to read, but denied yourself.
Hobbies are great, as are activities and events. Look out for the
social calendars in your neighborhood. Here in New York City we
have The Village Voice that is a free weekly publication. It lists
all of the film, theater, music, nightlife and special events for
the week. Also, in this current internet age, there are countless
resources online that can help you get inside information on the
events in your home town. Being out of balance is common,
unnecessary and easily resolved.
Use these tips, and get active. Build a lifestyle which fills you
with purpose and meaning.
My eBook “How To Get A Girlfriend” is a tremendous resource for
guys seeking to maximize their experience of life, and therefore
with dating. We focus on all aspects of helping guys both
fulfill their life needs and desires, while teaching the necessary
social skills to amplify dating success.
Doesn’t that interest you?
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.