Become Friends With Girls

Me and Mike did a whole podcast on this topic. Here the boys from Pickup arts go even more into the idea of having female friends. Some GREAT info here!

Become Friends with Girls by Jay Valens

How many friends of yours are girls? I mean real friends, not

girls you’re pining over and being friends with only because you

think one day you might hook up with her.

If your answer is “one” or “none” then you’re way behind in

utilizing one of the most effective ways to meet new women –

through other women. Women are a RESOURCE to other women.

I know guys who are really good at getting women into bed very

fast, and anytime they need a warm body in their bed they head off

to find one and pretty much have one by the next day if not that

night. Those guys really don’t need to befriend girls in order to

get laid, they do just fine with a tiny set of mostly guy friends

and barely have any interest to have a woman around unless they’re

attracted to her and want to sleep with her or are sleeping with


That is the MINORITY, even for guys who are good with women. The

more typical guy who is good with women will be successful not only

by having the skill to pick women up but to utilize resources and

create opportunities which puts him in front of a lot more women

who will mostly be his resource to other new women.

One of the best ways to increase the number of women you are

meeting regularly is through other women, in the form of making

friendships with females who know the kind of women you like – lots

of them. Meaning, a woman who has a network of female friends of

the type you are interested in.

Not only will the access be there, but through introduction, you

are also going to benefit from the equivalent of a “stamp of


I’ve had a number of decent jobs in my life and all but one of them

I got through referral and not by filling out an application or

submitting a resume. A company needed to hire someone, a referral

was made, I kicked ass at interviews, and got the job that probably

dozens of others had applied for. Perhaps some of them were even

more qualified, but it didn’t matter because I had what they did

not – the nod of approval from a trusted source.

Obviously your female friend has to like you (platonically) and

believe you to be a great guy, and the type of guy she would look

forward to introducing to her other friends. You can be a great

guy easily when you let go of trying to bed a girl you focus on

being friends with. Most guys like you DO have qualities women

would be interested and sometimes those qualities simply can’t be

projected on a first meet with a stranger. When you are introduced

to that stranger via her friend then you gain a very non-pressured

avenue for displaying that greatness, starting on the right foot

from the very beginning. You may not be her friend’s “ideal man”

but you’ve got what her ideal man out there doesn’t have – the nod

of approval from a trusted source.

Still, this is not an outright replacement for building up your

social skills. Building up your skills to be able to meet and

attract women on your own should still be a focal point of your

self-improvement. Think of it like diversifying your strategies

and options. Each strategy builds upon and supports the other.

Now that I’ve talked about how good of a strategy this is, let me

share suggestions with you on HOW to go about this…

– When you approach new women, don’t ONLY approach them with sexual

or romantic interests, allow yourself the option to befriend them.

– Rather than trying to set up 1:1 dates, invite them to parties

and treat them as friends.

– Focus on befriending women who share similar interests as you, as

they will have a better time hanging out with you and less pressure

on you to do any more than be cool and feel like yourself.

– When you are spending time with girls only as friends, it gives

you a chance to learn more about women in general, not just how to

bed them but how to really get along with them and understand them

better. This, in turn, helps encourage those female friends to

introduce you to other women and help you hook up.

– If you originally pursue a girl with an interest to sleep with

her, don’t try to change that to being friends, even if it’s her

idea, because it will probably be difficult and frustrate you.

Focus on befriending from the start and for the girls you pursue

sexually that you don’t get – just let them go and simply contact

them occasionally to see what’s up – maybe they’ll be available in

the future, you never know.

– Remember that even as friends, women will still act like women

and you can’t let them walk over you or try to take advantage of

you. Just picture them as a guy friend and ask yourself whether

you would tolerate that from a guy friend.

– Don’t be “girly” around girl friends, let them do their girl

stuff with their girlfriends. You’re their GUY friend so for sure

it is OK to be a guy around them. Just don’t be a gross piggish

guy, be a cool fun-loving positive guy. And don’t expect them to

be guy-like, any more than they’d expect you to be girl-like.

– Try not to go overboard and collect 1,000 girl friends. Focus on

being friends with a few quality girls as friends and add more only

as you are able to find the time. If you can easily manage more,

go ahead, but don’t go overboard initially.

There you go – yet another strategy from our lab geared for your


Friends forever,

Jay Valens

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About Jay Valens Jay Valens & Ray Devans are the masterminds behind The Art of the Pickup plus the founders of the first & largest site dedicated to pickup, attraction & dating advice for men... Their [pickup newsletter] is top-notch & their advice caters to average guys worldwide, not just the young college or club crowd. They regularly answer subscriber questions & have one of the most amazing pickup learning tools around, The Art of the Pickup: Tactics & Techniques.

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