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How to Get Better in Bed


Some people will tell you that the secret to getting better in bed is practice. Practice will get your sexual confidence up… but it won’t necessarily get you better in bed. Other people say that improving your stamina, lasting longer, or adding more foreplay will make you a better lover. All of those things definitely won’t hurt you… But they still won’t necessarily make you better in bed.

I’ve found there is only one secret for becoming a better lover. The secret is to simply pay better attention to what is working and what isn’t on a particular woman. The woman that you’re sleeping with will give you all the clues you need… you just have to be ready to read them, and be willing to make the adjustments.

The key line to this statement is that you have to pay attention to what works on each and every particular woman you’re with. The reason this is so important is because every woman enjoys being pleased differently. Sure, the basics don’t change… but some girls like it hard and fast, others slow and soft… some girls like massive foreplay… Others like their clothes ripped right off. Some girls only cum on top… other girls get off doggie.

The best lover is attentive and knows how to read the clues she’s giving you. Sometimes she’ll verbally tell you what she likes… but most of the time you’ll have to watch how her body reacts.

Recently I was quite frustrated with a girl I was dating because I couldn’t get her off with oral sex. I’ve never had that problem before. The first few times with this girl it was driving me crazy. I searched my repertoire for all the things that worked on the previous girls… and she wasn’t responding to any of them. Finally about a month in, I noticed that every time my nose would press against her clit while going down on her, she would tense up tremendously and push her pelvis out to make the pressure of my nose greater. The minute I realized what she was reacting to I went right along with it. Needless to say she went from being indifferent to oral… to begging me for it.

I’ve had many girls tell me that I’m the most amazing kisser they’ve ever experienced. This is not because I have some special technique… it’s because I adjust to their particular style of kissing. Everyone kisses differently. Sure, you can try to change her style to match yours. But if you want that first kiss to be memorable you’ll quickly note the actions of her lips and tongue, and mimic them.

This goes for all areas of foreplay and sex. If you notice that a girl gets super wet and turned on when you whisper dirty commands in her ears… keep on doing it (but don’t overdo it and let it loose its affect.)

The fact is; most girls want to tell you what is working and what isn’t. But they won’t tell you out of fear of hurting your feelings, fear of embarrassment, or fear of killing the mood. What you have to realize is that just because they’re not going to open up their mouth and say “Bobby I really like when you stick a pinky in my ass, while groping my right tit, and spreading my legs over my head…” doesn’t mean they won’t be trying to telling you in every other conceivable way.

The most common things to look out for are the intensity of the grunts and moans she is making. When she particularly fancies something you can be sure she’ll let out an extra special moan in hopes you catch on. You should also watch out for her body language. When she is enjoying something she’ll usually tense up, push herself toward you, or pull you closer. She’ll do everything possible to prevent you from suddenly stopping or changing positions.

You also want to be paying attention to the psychological factors influencing how turned on she is getting. Some girls are wildly turned on by the idea of being caught. When I sense a girl has this fetish… I’ll make sure I leave a door open, blinds up, or I begin the foreplay in any room but the bedroom.

The key is to be extremely observant and act upon the giving stimulus

About Bobby Rio

I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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  1. Sebastian

    June 30, 2008 at 12:11 pm

    Great article man.

    I fully agree with everything you said. Lasting longer and being confident in the sack are very important. But ultimately what will make it a very memorable experience for you both and have it turn out as good as it possibly can is when you each pay special attention to each other’s preferences and adapt accordingly.

    In some ways, it’s no different than teasing/chatting up a girl or anything else. Every girl is unique and responds to differences senses of humor and jokes differently.

  2. lance

    June 30, 2008 at 10:47 pm

    I’ve noticed that, as with any pickup or social interaction, you can (and should) calibrate while having sex. After I got into game two years ago and my sexual partners jumped up, I really figured this out. You can change your style and mix up “routines” accordingly to increase the quality of your sex.

    When I’m gunning for an awesome night of sex with a new partner, I’ll really try to figure out what her fantasy is, but do it in subtle ways. Once I’ve unlocked that, it’s game on for the rest of the night.

    lance’s last blog post..How Much Sex Ed Are You Giving Your Kids?

  3. Soprano

    February 23, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    Man u r great.i fully agree wit u.since i read ur article iv had a better sex life.

  4. Anonymous

    March 30, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    i got a small pp

  5. good man

    June 11, 2011 at 1:57 am

    you doing bad things

    must be married to built society not to destroy it ………………..

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