How to Build Sexual Tension (day 21)
We’re 21 days into our 31 Days to Better Game series. How’s everyone doing so far? Yesterday I talked about some common mistakes guys made which lead to the girl flaking off. Today I wanted to change directions a little and talk about the art of building sexual tension between to people who already know eachother.
Blogger, Evil Woobie, has provided us with an intro to creating sexual tension with women. Woobie blogs about love relationships, zodiac profiles and online dating. Her mantra is “No woman should die lonely and without experiencing the perfect orgasm.”
Building Sexual Tension by Evil Woobie
Sexual tension happens when two individuals feel attracted to each other, but don’t have sex, at least not yet. It doesn’t always lead to sex, though usually it does, and could go on and on for a lifetime without the individuals concerned acting on it.In simple terms, it’s the ‘chemistry’ that happens between individuals who like each other.
When Sparks Fly
Extreme attraction develops under the safe haven of friendship. Friends have several things in common, they communicate a lot and spend time together. At what point does the attraction build so that individuals enjoying a platonic friendship just let go and freely act on the attraction? This happens when sexual tension peaks.
I dated a guy who I shared a wonderful friendship with before going for the plunge. We’d see each other constantly and while all the things we did were wholesome, there was an undercurrent of attraction that can’t be ignored. In fact, if our wholesome scenes were to be made into a movie, the viewer would be most likely banging his head on his popcorn saying “get on with it already!”
The main trouble is that whenever we are in alone dates, the devil called ‘friendship conscience’ comes in to ruin everything. The following words echo through our minds:
“Hey, we’re known each other too long to let something like a relationship ruin our friendship. We both know we are not ready for that.”
And so, nothing happens, and the onlooker throws his soda at the screen.
Escalating the Sexual Tension
Here are some subtle things a guy can do to fan the flames of burning attractionÂ and cross the border between friends and friends-with-benefits:
1. At one or the other’s place, watch a movie with a story line that involves sexual tension – Not porn, mind you, but one that has a gripping plot and an explosive love scene. Think Top Gun (Tom Cruise) and Disclosure (Demi Moore). Or better yet, ditch the romance movies and rent a thriller. Some studies have shown that good horror films can be more sexually arousing than romance or even porn. The basis of which is that fear results in the same biological effects as sexual arousal i.e. rapid heartbeat, stimulated senses. Besides, being very, very scared is always an excuse to cuddle up.
2. Online chat – There are things that you can tell a person you feel attraction for online that you cannot say to her face. This is because you feel protected from an extreme reaction by your monitor and the x-mark on top of your browser. Saying something like “you really looked sexy today during class. It took all of my self control to prevent myself from just kissing you in a dark corner when we met for lunch” will convey the message that you appreciate her efforts to look her best. Because you’re friends, this will translate as sincere admiration more than harassment. She already knows that you like her, now it’s time to let her know that you think she’s hot.
3. Sexy Phone Conversation – While you bore her with the details of your soccer practice, casually mention that you’re wearing only boxers because the humidity is killing you (or my favorite, “I just took a shower”). Since you know that she’s also into you, this could lead to more prolific things, particularly if she’s feeling a bit naughty. The trick is not to sound too eager. Give her the power of seduction, make her feel that her voice and the theme of your conversation is turning you progressively on, bit by bit. Encourage her to talk about her fantasies, while sharing yours. And for goodness’ sake, do NOT mention another girl’s name. If you must describe making love, say “when a girl kisses my ear…” or something similar.
Sex is not the End, but the Start of Better Things
You are still very, very good friends. Once you overcome the sexual tension that’s been plaguing your relationship, you are now free to continue a stronger friendship that will last for years and years to come, regardless if it developed into a more serious one or not
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.