Sparring Practice


Gina Strikes a PoseYesterday I wrote about a huge realization I came to after reading Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. My realization revolved around an idea that Maltz talks about in his book.

Pressure retards learning.

In yesterday’s post I gave some scientific research that explains that when humans learn under high pressure situations their minds form cognitive maps that will limit their ability to alter their performance in the future.

How this relates to picking up women

I remember when I first started studying the teachings of guys like Mystery, Style, and David DeAngelo. I absolutely devoured all of their books and newsletters. At the time, I was coming out of a relationship and desperate to quickly get back into the game. At the time I was working a lot, so I really only had one or two days at most to go out and practice this stuff.

By the time Friday night rolled around I was so hungry for female attention and companionship that I3 points automatically found myself going into do or die mode. I had to make the sale. If I didn’t close a girl, I knew I would have to wait until the following weekend to give it another go.

Most weeks I would get to the bar- head filled with the material I wanted to use- and frozen with fear. Often I would open a few sets with the material, but as the pressure of the interaction increased, my mind would shift into my more natural way of communicating… which never got me the results I wanted.

I felt like I was in a vicious circle. As much as I wanted to use the material, the high pressure atomoshere I put myself in, always resulted in me getting lost in my own head. One off hand comment by a girl, one blown set, and next thing I knew I was back in AFC land.

Sparring and Seduction

A few months into studying pickup, by virtue of my natural skill at social circle game, I wound up dating a girl named Nancy. As much as I enjoyed her company, I was a bit disappointed that my quest to become a pickup artist was halted by a relationship. My head was still swirling with all of the techniques, routines, openers, and stories I wanted to use. Even though I was in a relationship I did not want to give up on learning pickup.

So I continued to study. Only now, instead of going out and practicing on random girls I was meeting in bars and clubs, I was practicing my game on Nancy and her friends. She was a few years younger than me, and was always dragging me out with her group of friends. Here, with all pressure removed, I was delivering routines, perfecting my cocky funny, and developing my storytelling ability.

My growth exploded!

Girls going at itI learned how to control a set, how to neg, how play girls against each other, how create jealousy traps, and was by all accounts- acting like a pickup artist.

Without the high pressure- do or die attitude- I found that not only did I enjoy flirting with women, but I was actually really good at it.

This was a kin to the boxer who practices for the big fight by sparring with his trainer. There is no pressure in the ring, so he can work on his technique, without worrying about results.

In future articles I will talk more about how to practice in low pressure situations.

But for now think about how you can use the concept of “sparring” to get better with women.

About Bobby Rio

I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences.  For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.

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  1. Infinity

    November 20, 2008 at 2:51 pm

    Well, think about it, conversations and “breaking through shields.” That’s what building attraction with women is all about.

    Shields are put up and you have to knock em down. Wits are clashing and the stronger frame is going to win.

    When you go out there, you are constantly sparring with people. But, just like Morpheus said in the Matrix:

    “Don’t think you can. Know you can.” and then there’s:

    (In response to Neo asking if he will be able to dodge bullets) “You won’t have to.”

    Frame. Frame. Frame. It’s what the best trainers will tell you. Always have a strong frame and you will be able to spar with the best of them.

    Recent Words from Infinity..How to Be A Quality Wingman for Your Friend

    • lilez0521

      November 24, 2008 at 12:40 am

      This article makes a lot of sense. Great Post!!!

      What exactly is frame/frame control?

      • Infinity

        November 24, 2008 at 1:33 pm

        Basically your frame is your very own reality so frame control is how much control you have of your reality. I stress the importance of this because with frame control, you dictate what goes on in your life. You have to ability to remove yourself from or change any situation that is within your sense of reality. Having that power and exercising it in the public is very powerful and women who notice will find you very attractive. But you also will be prone to being tested on your frame. Not only from women but from guys as well.

        If you have a negative frame things obviously don’t tend to be positive, therefore your frame will be seen as weak and fragile. This particularly happens when a woman gives you a shit test and you fail and are noticeably reactive – unattractive.

        But if you can maintain a positive frame, you’re naturally going to have a stronger frame. Shit tests, become easier because you know you don’t have to deal with any nonsense and you’ll seamlessly pass them all – attractive.

        Make sense?

        Free for anyone to jump in and add/delete/edit.

        Recent Words from Infinity..Why Pick Up Artists Are Seen As Scumbags and Why Someone Like Me Is Different

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