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As the New Year approaches

Cold Winter MorningHappy Holidays to all!  As the New Year approaches, I have been doing a bit of soul searching and over analyzing of 2008.  That being said, I have been in limbo about what I should post …  Sure I have plenty of horrific dates to share with you,  but what about the dates that don’t make the god awful terrible list?  What about the dates that you survive without injury, yet they just don’t send a tingle down your spine if you know what I mean?  The attraction is not instant but you tell yourself that you would give it another shot and test the waters… Whether right or wrong, this is a practice I am also quite familiar with.

Truth be told, as I think back to prior relationships that ultimately became long-term for me and I see a frightening pattern.  For the most part, all of my significant relationships have been with men that I did not have an instant attraction.  How many times have you been out somewhere and you become mesmerized by  the site of a gorgeous girl with a very unattractive guy or an attractive guy that is head over heels for a girl whose face is, well… busted.  In no way am I justifying the actions of myself or any others, but I often wonder if anyone else has traveled down this road.

Overall, being single is definitely a roller coaster ride for me.  Many times I am thankful, relieved that I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want and with whom I want.  I see way too many relationships basedThunderbolt Roller Coaster, Kennywood Park on complacency rather than love.  People just get comfortable … they just don’t have to try as hard.  Sweats become the norm, they let themselves go and put on some happy weight’ – Don’t act like you haven’t been there!  I sure don’t miss those things.  Other times (particularly holidays and cold, cold winters) I go through points where I really desire all the perks that come with a committed relationship.

I have yet to meet a single person (male or female) that strives to meet that special someone that is just somewhat attractive, a little overweight, a fashion mishap but with a fabulous personality. I am lucky because I know what I want… I want an attractive, fit male that is going to make my heart melt when he walks through the door.  This is realistic, right?  I am not so sure.  In my experiences, most of the guys that make this type of impression end up having a slew of other issues that in the end cause the demise of the relationship.  What is Jill saying?  Settle?  Never!  But…  hear me out….

There have been countless times I have met an individual that did not immediately cause me to have heart palpitations and butterflies in the first instant.  As much as I want to believe that I will feel that instant attraction, I fear that this is quite unrealistic because often times it is the personality (yea, I hate to say it) that later causes the attraction.  Now I am not 100% on this theory since I am obviously still single despite having had those long-term relationships last the duration they did.  Could it have been in part due to the attraction issue?  I cannot honestly say.

Wishing you love and light........Here’s the things with looks and what is on the outside…Even the best looks fade over time and seem to fade even quicker when their personality doesn’t match up.  Many times the hottest of hotties will turn into a fattie over time… If you have a chance to go to your 10 year high school reunion, you will see what I mean!  Some of the most athletic and popular people you remembered from back then will be unrecognizable! It is frightening!  I pride myself on looking better than I did in high school, but I warn you, it is not the norm!

I guess I am bringing this up because although I have been dating (online and just in general) for some time, I seldom meet someone that instantly excites me on a physical level.  Since ultimately the physical attraction is the initial hook or not… I am usually less than excited to see this person for a second encounter.

So I am posing the question: How important is that initial attraction in finding a mate?

What are your thoughts and insights?

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About Jill Summit Jill Summit is a single woman who is not willing to settle for second best. She has dabbled in many crafts ranging from medical and behavioral science to holistic massage. More recently she has ventured into journalism to share some of those dating experiences. Whether it is a source of insight, advice or even entertainment, her efforts are to assist and empower men in today’s dating world.

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