Be Hear Now
This next article is part of an ongoing series here at TSB Magazine called The Success Principles. The series is based on the 64 principles laid out by Jack Canfield in his course of the same name. If you`re new, I always suggest starting any series from the beginning.
Principle 48: Be Hear Now
Read the quote below, and make a promise to yourself that you will attempt to ingrain this in your way of life. If you succeed in just this one thing, you will find your friendships, relationships, social life, and career will see drastic improvements.
There’s a big difference between hearing-that is, simply receiving communication-and truly listening, which is the art of paying thoughtful attention with a mind toward understanding the complete message being delivered. Unlike simply hearing someone’s account, listening requires maintaining eye contact, watching the person’s body language, asking for clarification, and listening for the unspoken message. -J.Canfield
If we were to break down the biggest barrier between people’s misunderstandings with one another, it would be that people very rarely truly, and actively listen to the people that are speaking with. The time that should be spent listening, most people are either thinking about what they want to say next, or simply day dreaming about something completely irrelevant going on in their life.
You can not win an argument. It is nearly impossible. People’s pride will very rarely allow them to admit that they are wrong. This is something that I learned years ago, and after reading the essential book How to Win Friends and Influence People, was able to successfully change the way I dealt with argument where I was able to settle disagreements more efficiently.
Instead of spending the time here to explain, I urge you to spend the $9 on the book, as it is a book that should be taught in schools around the country. The entire way you interact with people will be changed after reading it.
Canfield describes a communication tool he learned from Dan Sullivan. He claims that it is one of the most effective ways to establish rapport and create a feeling of connection with another person. It is a series of four questions.
1. If we were meeting three years from today, what has to have happened during that three year period for you to feel happy about your progress?
2. What are the biggest dangers you’ll have to face and deal with in order for you to achieve that progress?
3. What are the biggest opportunities that you have that you would need to focus on and capture to achieve those things?
4. What strengths will you need to develop that you don’t currently have in order to capture those opportunities?
If you can ask these four questions in the course of a conversation with a friend or business associate it will surely open previously unlocked doors.
Why not write those four questions on an index card and carry them around with you the next couple days. Practice asking these questions to the people that you are interacting with.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.