Pick-Up Lines From Recent News Stories

Pickup Lines

With the weekend nearly upon us, it's time for us gentlemen (and a few of us ladies) to partake in our weekly ritual of heading out to the local brew-pub, scouting out the scene for an attractive person of the opposite (or same) sex, and try tobe with them in the Biblical sense. All of this means it's time for us to take out and dust off our best pick-up lines.

But let's be honest: Those really never worked anyway. The trick is to show your target how aware of your surroundings you are, and there's no better way to do that than by casually mentioning some recent news stories in your pickup lines. It shows them that you are a student of the world while letting them know you mean business. So then, without further adieu, here is your ammunition.

Regarding President Obama's First Congressional Address: After seeing you, I won't need the President's proposed stimulus package.

Regarding the Chris Brown-Rihanna Saga: That Chris Brown is a big asshole, right?

Regarding the Chimpanzee Attack Story:Unlike that lady in Connecticut, I know how to control my monkey. Just for clarification, by monkey I mean penis

Regarding the Hudson River Plane Crash: I wouldn't mind ditching and making an emergency landing in your river. Even if it'1s full of pollution. (pause)Wait. Ignore that last part. I'm sure you're clean.

Regarding the Announcement That There Will Be A New Clue Movie: I solved your murder. It was me, with my penis, in any one of your rooms.

Regarding Nadya Suleman, the Octo-Mom: I'd get you pregnant eight times without using the in-vitro fertilization process! (pause) With the stipulation that I also don't have to take care of them. Agreed?

There you go. That should hold you over for the weekend. Happy hunting!