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Pick-Up Lines From Recent News Stories


Pickup Lines

With the weekend nearly upon us, it`s time for us gentlemen (and a few of us ladies) to partake in our weekly ritual of heading out to the local brew-pub, scouting out the scene for an attractive person of the opposite (or same) sex, and try tobe with them in the Biblical sense. All of this means it`s time for us to take out and dust off our best pick-up lines.

But let`s be honest: Those really never worked anyway. The trick is to show your target how aware of your surroundings you are, and there`s no better way to do that than by casually mentioning some recent news stories in your pickup lines. It shows them that you are a student of the world while letting them know you mean business. So then, without further adieu, here is your ammunition.

Regarding President Obama`s First Congressional Address: After seeing you, I won`t need the President`s proposed stimulus package.

Regarding the Chris Brown-Rihanna Saga
: That Chris Brown is a big asshole, right?

Regarding the Chimpanzee Attack Story
:Unlike that lady in Connecticut, I know how to control my monkey. Just for clarification, by monkey I mean penis

Regarding the Hudson River Plane Crash
: I wouldn`t mind ditching and making an emergency landing in your river. Even if it`1s full of pollution. (pause)Wait. Ignore that last part. I`m sure you`re clean.

Regarding the Announcement That There Will Be A New Clue Movie: I solved your murder. It was me, with my penis, in any one of your rooms.

Regarding Nadya Suleman, the Octo-Mom
: I`d get you pregnant eight times without using the in-vitro fertilization process! (pause) With the stipulation that I also don`t have to take care of them. Agreed?

There you go. That should hold you over for the weekend. Happy hunting!

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About Rick Mosely Rick is the editor for TSB magazine.

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