Flirting With Humor

Remember this: you want to make women laugh. If you can make a woman laugh (so long as she isn’t laughing at your expense) then you are delighting her, and she’ll want to see you again. However, as most men know, women often find different things funny than men do. It’s easy to misuse humor with women, and to frighten and offend them instead. With that in mind, here’s a list of do’s for flirting with humor.

1. DO MAKE "CREATIVE MISINTERPRETATIONS”

When you approach a woman, you’ve got to be alert and have your eyes open. Look for the details in her appearance or in what she is doing that you can safely make jokes about. You do this by putting a new spin on something normal. When Bruce asks the bank teller "Do you get to keep a percentage of all the money you take in each day?” he’s creatively misinterpreting something in her environment and using it to flirt. When he asks if she gets to keep a percentage, he’s being silly in a way she can relate to. It gives them a joke to talk about that and creates a little separate little world for them together.

Similarly, when Frank jokes to the girl at the heath-food store who always wears army
fatigues about being a Major in the army, he’s taking something at hand and creatively misinterpreting it, recasting it as something they can joke and flirt about. Every time he sees her they return to this joke, and she feels more comfortable with him each time.

You should try to make your misinterpretations complementary to her. For example, misinterpreting the woman collecting the money as you leave a parking garage as "the parking goddess” would be more effective than misinterpreting her as, say, a trash collector who got lucky and got her current job. The first is a joke; the second is an insult. Keep track of the difference.

2. DO SMILE AND SAY "HI”

Your facial expression is an important part of your behavior. When you approach a woman to flirt, it’s best to be relaxed and to smile, make eye contact, and say hi. Too many men approach flirting in a non-playful manner. They are resentful about having to do it, or are indulging a bad mood. They don’t look relaxed and they don’t sound relaxed. As we said in chapter three, you must overcome adolescent posture. It may be necessary for you to get some bodywork or to take some yoga classes if you habitually radiate tension. When you are relaxed and approach a woman, she sees it on her face and in your eyes.

3. DO ASK THEM ABOUT THINGS THEY KNOW

Work related questions are good, as are questions about personal appearance. As well discuss later, one good line is "What’s the story behind that…?” If, for instance, she is wearing an unusual necklace, you might say "what a beautiful necklace you are wearing. What’s the story behind it?”

4. DO ASK QUESTIONS

Along the same lines, it’s a good idea to ask questions. After all, you want to find out about her, and asking the right questions can give you important information. It’s not an interrogation, so don’t badger her with questions, but do make inquiries about what she cares about. For example if she’s holding a flower, ask her about it: "That rose you are holding is beautiful. Why did you pick roses? How do roses make you feel? Or you could ask "Why do you think women love flowers?” Either way, you are engaging her, through your questions, in a conversation that is about her likes, her dislikes, and her feelings. That’s the kind of conversation that could become more romantic later on.

5. DO DESCRIBE FEELINGS FOR HER

Your goal in flirting is to get her to think romantic thoughts about you, and to want to act on those thoughts. To do this, you must describe romantic feelings. Have you ever been with someone who was describing something disgusting? Perhaps a friend had been sick, and later described to you, in intimate detail, every step and every nuance of how it felt to be about to throw up. Can you remember how you felt as he described his sickness? Did you start to get sick, too? Or have you ever wished someone would stop describing some horrible event or accident, because you are starting to feel how it must have felt? You probably have. These people have used a simple principle on you, that to describe a feeling to someone makes them experience that feeling. That’s why you feel sick when your friend describes getting ill, or you feel queasy when someone talks about a disgusting accident.

To flirt successfully, you absolutely must take advantage of this principle, only in reverse. You must describe the feelings you want her to have—romance, attraction, arousal—in lush and lavish detail. As you describe these feelings, she’ll start to have them. The principle is simple: when someone describes something to you, you must imagine it to be able to understand what they are talking about. If I’m describing my new car to you, and tell you that it’s a mini-van, and it’s blue, you can’t help but imagine it. Even if I tell you not to imagine something, you have to imagine it to know what not to think about. If I tell you not to imagine a mini-van, you must think of one, so you know what thought to avoid.

The same thing happens when you describe a feeling to a woman. Whether she wants to feel the feeling you are describing or not, she must feel it to even know what you are talking about. The extent to which she feels it is dependent on how well you describe the feeling.

For instance, Sven is talking to the attractive young woman behind the pastry counter. "I can imagine you must feel so great and special behind the counter, goddess of the whole store, and people come to worship you,” he says to her. "Those great feelings of people coming to see you must really make you feel wonderful.” He’s playfully described feelings of specialness to her, and, if she is to evaluate what he’s talking about at all, she must go inside and feel those feelings. As she feels those feelings while looking at Sven, she starts to connect his visits to her store with feeling those special feelings. In time, this will lead her to "naturally” feel attracted to him.

Poets are the get-laid kings of all time. Reading poetry is a wonderful way to learn how to
make beautiful and detailed descriptions on romantic things. After all, 99% of poetry is about love. If you look at most any romantic poetry you’ll find it’s made up of descriptions of romantic, loving feelings. Romance novels are much the same way. They are unending streams of descriptions of romantic feelings. Learn to speak romantically by describing romantic feelings, and you will be much more successful with women.