Pick-Up Lines For Zombies
Since they were first introduced into the world by George Romero with “Night of the Living Dead” back in 1968, zombies have never been out of style. All through the 70s, 80s, 90s and even today, the love of those brain-dead, slowly-moving pieces of flesh and bone has only been surpassed by the love of kittens, puppy dogs and blowjobs.
In fact, one need look no further that the love affair is till blossoming than the recent trend of combining zombies with classical literature. First, there was “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies”, which inserts hordes of the undead attacking Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. [And now Jeffrey Wells over at Hollywood Elsewhere found the latest zombie morphing: “William Shakespeare’s Land of the Dead”.
With these recent zombie adaptations in the news, and no doubt the soon-to-be-produced movie equivalents, I thought it was a good time – and an even better excuse – to brush up on some pick-up lines to lure the undead into bed. (Yes, that excuse is a stretch. Get over it.)
“Is that your arm half-eaten and hanging by the bone, or are you just happy to see me?”
“You must be tired. You’ve been running through my dreams all night. Well, to be more specific, not exactly running. More like drunkenly lurching in my general direction.”
“You’re in luck. I’m a necrophiliac!”
“I think I’d look good in you. Your stomach, I mean.”
“Excuse me, but I think I dropped something. My jaw. Oh, look. Your jaw fell off on its own too. How cute.”
“You’re worth loss of most motor functions and a constant craving for brains.”
“Is that Windex in your pants? ‘Cause I can see myself in ‘em! Oh, you’re not actually wearing pants, it just looks like that because your legs are a strange green/brown color because of the decay? My bad.”
“What’s worse, your bark or your bite? Oh, it’s obviously the latter.”
“Can I offer you some gum? No, please. Take it.”
“Well, here’s my tasty body and succulent brain. What was your other wish?”
“Is that a guttural moan of hunger, or pleasure?”
Just remember to use a lot of protection after the pick-up lines succeed, which they no doubt will. It’s going to get messy. You know, because of all the blood and guts and intestines and what-not.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.