Clip Reel: The Only “Tea-Bagging Party” Report You Need To See

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teabag

(Image from Wonkette)

If you haven’t been in front of your television for the past five days or so, you may have missed the plan by the nation’s right wing on how to protest the Obama tax hikes. In short, they’re getting dressed up in a bunch of tea bags and dancing outside of their local city halls. Or something like that. The point is, what these people didn’t know when they planned it is that “tea-bagging” has an entirely different meaning in the world of the Urban Dictionary. I’m partial to the medical-lingo of the second definition myself:

“A man that dips his scrotum and testicles into the mouth of another person.”

Of course, a lot of the media reporting the protests have picked up on this other meaning and have had themselves some double entendre fun. But the best one so far has easily been delivered by David Schuster. For those who have seen Schuster handle fill-in “Countdown” duties before, you’ve probably noticed that he mentions Howard Stern more than, well, anyone else on television. And you could tell why he’s such a big Stern fan with the below clip.

(A transcription follows of the perfectly-worded beginning, with every dick joke bold-ed for your pleasure.)

SCHUSTER: For most Americans, Wednesday April 15th will be tax day. But in our fourth story tonight it’s going to be tea-bagging day for the right wing and they are going nuts for it. Thousands of them whipped out the festivities early this past weekend and while the parties are officially toothless, the tea-baggers are full-throated about their goals. They want to give President Obama a strong tongue-lashing and lick government spending, spending they did not oppose when they were under President Bush and Reagan. They oppose Mr. Obama’s tax rates, which will be lower for most of them, and they oppose the tax increases Mr. Obama is imposing on the rich, whose tax rates will skyrocket to about 10 percent less than it was under Reagan. That’s tea-bagging in a nutshell.

There’s a few more references to the testicle-version of “tea-bagging” throughout the rest of the clip, but that was all the transcribing I could do without giggling. That said, I wouldn’t be doing my duty of a news provider if I didn’t make you aware of this brilliant line that closes out the clip:

“And in Cavuto’s defense, if you are planning simultaneous tea-bagging all around the country, you’re going to need a Dick Armey.”

Well done, Mr. Schuster!

About Rick Mosely

Rick is the editor for TSB magazine.

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