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Craigslist Wants the Darndest Things

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Forget about the “Craigslist Killer”. What’s truly giving the site a bad name are listings like this, found in yesterday’s “writing gigs” section for the Los Angeles area:

STANDUP JOKE WRITER WANTED (L.A.)

Nationally known standup comedian (from The Howard Stern Show & more) seeks joke writer. Send sample of jokes in vein of Def Comedy Jam, Chris Rock, Bernie Mac, Richard Pryor, Chris Tucker. Point of view is black, angry, dirty, even ghetto. Imitate, even parody Eddie Griffin and Paul Mooney.

Send one page of sample jokes. (Your next question is, how do you know I won’t steal them? Answer: because I’m not Carlos Mencia or Robin Williams. I do not steal. Also, you would see me do them on TV and sue me.)

EXAMPLE: Y’all watch UFC – Ultimate Fighting Championship? White folks love that shit. They should call it Ultimate Fighting Caucasians. Brothers hate that shit, cause we already got Ultimate Fighting Championship: its called PRISON. Same thing: they lock yo ass in a cage, some motherfucka beat yo ass to a pulp, then grab yo dick. Oh yeah, there’s some dick grabbing going on in UFC. If you watch UFC, you part fag. Guys in tights, wrestling and grabbing each other, music blasting – that shit’s like a gay nightclub. You call it UFC, I call it West Hollywood.

Saw this movie called Candy Man. Horror movie about a black man going around killing white folks. That’s my kinda movie. I like the premise: 1) he’s black and 2) he kills white folks. Genius. But how come he don’t gotta mask? Friday the 13th: Jason gotta mask. Halloween: Mike Meyer’s gotta mask: Nightmare On Elm Street: Freddy Krueger got a mask. How come the Candy Man ain’t got no mask? ‘Cause white folks think a black man scary enough just being black. What’s next? A movie called: Black Man. What’s he do, stab people? No. Chop people up? No. Hide in the bushes, jump out & do some scary shit? Nope. What’s he do? Just stand there and be black. AHHHHH! I got nightmares.

Tina FeyThe ad has since been taken down – it was “flagged for removal”, most likely for sucking – which is unfortunate since I was about to send the guy a good 30-minute chunk I’ve been working on that showcases the many differences between African-Americans and those of Caucasian persuasion.

For instance, did you notice that one group wears their jeans baggy and loose while the other wears them tight? Or that one group enjoys hip-hop music while the other listens to “Dave Matthews Band”? Or that one group watches “Gossip Girl” while the other has dignity? (As Homer Simpson once said, “It’s true, it’s true. We’re so lame.”)

In any case, I recommend everyone writing and rewriting their best quasi-racist bits of goodness in case this Craigslist “comedian” ever resurfaces. You’re going to want to get in on this on before he explodes and becomes the next “Chris Rock, Bernie Mac, Richard Pryor, Chris Tucker, Eddie Griffin and Paul Mooney”. Except, you know, without the talent.

About Rick Mosely

Rick is the editor for TSB magazine.

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