Swine Flu Pick-Up Lines

In this, our Age of the wretched Swine Flu, there are many concessions we must make in order to stop the spread of the disease. No more last-minute trips to Mexico City. No more coughing directly onto other people. No more eating our meals off glass tables made completely of sneeze guards. Luckily, there’s one thing the government and its doctors have not yet asked us to give up: casual sex!

And even better, you can use the Swine Flu (or the H1N1 virus, if you prefer the government-instituted nomenclature) as a way to reach that casual sex by incorporating it into your barroom pick-up lines! Here’s ten or so to get you started. Please, feel free to add your own to the comments.

“I’d let you cough on me without a mask on.”

“Swine flu isn’t the only human-to-human transmission I can think of.”

“Looking at you makes me Level 5 outbreak in my pants.”

“I haven’t been this attracted to a woman since the SARS outbreak.”

“You better get used to this, since there’s a good chance we’re going to be the last two people left on Earth.”

“From what I understand, one of the ways to avoid the flu is by upping your levels of protein. And what do you know, I have some stored up.”

“Swine flu or not, can I offer you some pork?”

“I have at least three diseases that are way less serious than flu.”

“Look at it this way: Since flu is passed on by saliva and phlegm, we don’t even have to waste time kissing.”

“H1 plus N1 equals us.”

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About Rick Mosely Rick is the editor for TSB magazine.

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