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Dating Q and A

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Q: How come if I go to a bar, it seems like the only women that are interested in me are the clingy, crazy ones?

A: Ah, my friend, this is indeed a typical social ailment. The best simple answer is that they aren’t the only ones interested in you; they’re just the few ballsy enough to do the scary thing: approach someone who they actually find attractive. Or maybe not ballsy but desperate enough to take the normal social risks that somehow are not normal (or at least common) to our social interactions. While logically, it is scarier that approaching someone less attractive may result in an involvement with someone you just aren’t that into, the fear of rejection by someone appealing is often stronger. Does this suck a fat one? Yes, but why not stop the self pity and complaining, get off your ass, and do the dirty work yourself? You’ve got two legs and an operating vocal apparatus, don’t you? And if not, well, that’s no excuse either! Wheel yourself over to the pretty lady and make hand signals that indicate that you’d like to purchase her a martini, Helen Keller!

Q: My last date was with a perfect girl for me. In fact, it was her idea to just go to a bar, which I loved. It seemed like things went well; she was even more screwed up than I was! We bonded over our nasty breakups with our insane previous loves. At the end of it, she said, “I’ll call you real soon.” Then: nothing. Why?

A: Alas! You have fallen prey to the novice mistake: too much too soon. Despite the fact that said “perfect girl” opened the floodgates of ex rehash, you fell into the trap. Never ever, even if a girl brings up her ex, discuss exes on a first date. Though it may seem that she has authorized it, that she thinks it’s acceptable, that she thinks it’s natural to do so, she will still most likely believe that you are not over your previous relationship. And if you aren’t over your previous relationship, you aren’t going to fall for her! And she’s going to emotionally invest in someone that can’t emotionally invest in her! And she’s going to have to go through another nasty breakup! And she’s going to be gorging on Ben and Jerry’s with her girlfriends over chick flicks and Kleenex! And that’s going to suck! Gah! Is this BS? Of course. But that’s dating.

Q: What do I do if I tell a girl I like her because she is smart and funny and she doesn’t believe me?

A: Are you sure she’s smart? If the answer is yes, are you sure you are comfortable with dating someone insecure and/or paranoid? If the answer is yes again, the only thing I can say is this: persevere. If you continue to demonstrate real (as opposed to hypersexualized) interesting in her, she may eventually believe you. Remember grandma’s old maxim, “Actions speak louder than words?” Well, let your actions show that you think she’s smart and funny, instead of relying solely on your statements. That means literally: laugh at her jokes, cultivate inside jokes, ask her opinion on things besides one night stands. If Smart Funny Girl still refuses to believe you after a couple of months, she is a lost cause. You can’t really convince people that don’t want to be convinced, and it’s much better to date a woman with confidence. Onward bound!

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About TracyOneill Tracy is a freelance writer based out of Brooklyn obsessed with nutritional supplements, mediocre music, audacious (to put it politely) apparel, literary giants, and perfecting the fine art of the Sunday Bloody Mary.

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